He was the to this day the first and the only person that made me feel something deep in my loins. Something brewing inside of me, boiling to the point that I needed more of him. More of his words, the way his eyes gazed at me, the way his lips moved when he spoke. He could have been magic and I would swear by it.
When I read about people having crushes or the famous love at first sight, I was completely sure that it was rubbish. I had boyfriends, friends that would be part of my life for a longer time and nothing would make me go insane like he did. Beyond that physical attraction or that friendship, I felt nothing. Nevertheless, I would discuss this with my boyfriend and close friends and they would all more or less agree with the following sentence: “Love takes time.”
I am ashamed to say I secretly waited for that click, for the butterflies to arrive with my last boyfriend and they never did. I sure cared for him but I waited for something more and wondered if that thing existed…
On the other hand, when HE arrived in my life I knew it was another story. The very night we met I was aware we had that thing, electricity, magic, and love at first sight.
It was so clear to me that this stranger had something for me. Something special and I had to find out what it was.
Unfortunately, he had a job in Germany; therefore, it was unsure if we would ever see each other again. That did not help my daydreaming and subsequently I would see us in a different time, living as different people. This happened, once before I went to bed, as I was dozing off I asked myself why I felt such connection with him. That same night I had a dream.
In the dream, I used to live in this Victorian Chateau with a massive library. I would say maybe it was in the ’60s or ’70s. My subconscious showed me that I would wait for him, behind the second corridor on the left where this massive pile of books was placed and every night, he would come near me, and would not make eye contact until we were inside the secret passage.
I would choose a perfectly ordinary looking green book on the last bookshelf and then this room would appear before us. Oddly enough, we would stand on each other’s shoulders, and then we would disappear. Apparently, in this dream, we would go back in time or maybe to a completely different dimension. I have no idea where we went. All I saw was us looking for this person, Anna, in the same Chateau; she needed to be born on Earth once more. That was the message I heard.
Regardless, it never happened. We failed and we were in danger of being exposed. Unfortunately, the owner of the house would find out that we use this passage, causing a terrible rift between us. This person’s ignorance was somehow gravely important in accomplishing our mission.
I guessed it would not be an easy life if others could know what we did in the library.
We needed nothing and no one to accomplish something that others for centuries tried to do with machines. We only needed each other.
The next thing I knew, I was overwhelmed by this feeling of deep sadness and despair. Even though we continued to live in this grand place with a beautiful garden I felt I had succumbed to this in one way or another hopeless situation. I would see seasons shift, and we would sit in each other arms. He tried to comfort me but I felt as if everything was in vain.
Alas, I was never given a full explanation of this story.
I never saw our journey or the reason for our sadness in this dream, but I would still feel the same pinch of familiarity when we would meet again in real life.
All I wanted to say to him was that I see him and he sees me as I am.
–By Simona D., 23, Skopje