Keianna

I wish it were easier for me to be myself by myself and have that be enough. Instead, I feel like I’m constantly weaving my way through webs caused by the strings attached to my fingers. I’m too young to have so many strings attaching me to other people. The responsibility of being responsible for everyone in my life is suffocating me, but these strings are wrapped way too tight to cut off without hurting myself in the process.
I’ve decided that I’m done taking on new strings for the time being. I deem myself “mature” for making that decision. I’m not even ready for myself yet, so no, I won’t make anyone feel like I’ll be ready for them anytime soon.
How adult of me.
The adult feeling starts to fade when I realize that the world is constantly moving and it’s moving fast.
Can you slow down?
If not, can you tell me which way to run?
Because the world isn’t going to leave me behind again.
I was born and therefore I have a right to be here and to be heard.
But not like…. THAT.
I’m not a machine programmed to feel human emotions so intensely that everyone around me is reminded just how human others can be. I don’t want to be someone else’s mirror or “What not to do” guide.
I wonder how the people that are that to me would feel if they found out.
I talked about it with a girl I’d shared a room with for the weekend and she said she doesn’t worry about them finding out because she’s sure they already know.
Before it was time to go home she told me she was in love with me.
“Platonically?” By the time I got to the middle of the word she was saying it with me. She wants to be me and I want to be her
But even if we switched bodies, we’d still be two eighteen-year-old girls trying to figure out where we stand in relation to a world that’s constantly spinning and moving.