I’ve been trying to do the things that remind me of times when I was happy, so that I don’t fall apart. This means eating sweet popcorn and watching Men In Black in the dark. It’s such a magical experience in the dark and it has one of the coolest female characters in it. My current situation with anxiety in school has led me to live through my daydreams and fantasies. I’m not even trying to fight it anymore. I guess it’s expected that the world being overwhelming would lead to someone shutting out everyone around them and daydreaming about a world where they feel comfortable and happy and safe.
The world feels grey and sad. I don’t want it to feel this way, but it does. The way I’ve been feeling reminds me of a Tyler, The Creator lyric from his song Cowboy: “This is life, truthfully I just want to fly some kites.” I, like most people in the world, wish it could feel like summer 24/7 but school makes me feel numb inside. Sometimes, I forget that I’m awake or I forget where I am because I feel disconnected from those around me.
The world is such a crazy place. I feel anxious and nervous all the time and I forget that no one will remember me. I’m scared of the world. I feel nervous when I’m not in my room.
I feel trapped. Trapped in my thoughts.