Things I’ve Learned Recently:

1. Junk food is actually bad for you.
2. While I am a self-identified extrovert, my approach to socialization is quite apathetic. This creates an interesting paradox in which I feel content and comfortable with and pathetic, sad, and uncomfortable with my solitude, simultaneously.
3. The dining hall workers turn off the heating 30 minutes before closing time so people leave early.
4. While tales of embarrassment are key tenets of humor, and I rationally understand that all young people, at times, do things worthy of embarrassment and this is just part of life, I loathe collective rite of passage embarrassment scenarios. (i.e. The relaxed convenience store owner laughing to his colleague about the stupid name on your stupid fake ID before handing you your stupid Four Loko.) I have DIGNITY. I’m always down for a universal human experience, but I can’t bear the temporary discomfort and everlasting shame of an unknown adult grouping me in with other idiotic young adults. (Perhaps this has something to do with my mom being a figure known to most of the adults I interacted with in my adolescence.)

a. A few weeks ago, my (now ex-) roommate claimed that her father’s involvement in local politics made her a known figure about town, not unlike Malia Obama. Every time I revisit her statement, after throwing up in my mouth a little, I think that maybe, my mom being a teacher at my high school was never that serious.
i. It’s very hard to live in a triple at college, and usually, one roommate becomes a (now ex-) roommate.

5. Finding compatible friends is hard when you can’t rely on your parents to spend a decade organizing playdates for you to sift through your peers and find the ones you really like.
6. It’s OK to ask for help. In fact, people want you to ask for help so badly that doing it boosts your grade. ♦