There’s nothing better than waking up next to the most beautiful angel. Your afro is lopsided and flattened from the night before. You become self conscious, “Oh I probably look crazy,” and quickly start picking it out with your fingers. They respond, “No you don’t, you look nice.” The sound of their voice feels like liquid velvet slipping down a mossy pile of rocks. I came clean around midnight, and became myself in the daylight. I wish I could’ve stayed longer. I wish what we had, had lasted, but I’m getting over it now. I’m thankful for those feelings I initially believed I was too damaged to have. I sleep well knowing you meant no ill will, and we’re still friends. I’d be lying if I said I still don’t shed a tear for you, but they’re not always sad. Like I said earlier, I’m thankful for the time we shared together, but I can’t stop listening to the chopped-and-screwed versions of Billboard 100 songs, and the first two minutes and thirty- five seconds of “Out My Mind, Just In Time” is the background music to my sobs right now.
“I’d pray for you, crochet for you, make it from scratch for you…”
I was ready to make myself from scratch for you.
But I’m so happy to know that I’m capable of being an over lover. And even more grateful that you were the first one to show me.
Its times like this I wish my mom was alive so I could ask her about all the heartbreaks and silly crushes she had, and how she got over them. I need her to grab my shoulder and say that I’m young, this feeling won’t last, and they’ll be others. ♦