Spring break is this week and so far I’m feeling the opposite of relaxed. I’ve just been so stressed about the future that I’m not really living in the present. When I’m not with my friends I get extremely bored and start feeling jaded. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately.
I think this anxiety is coming from being older and actually having to provide for myself and whatnot. I’m going to have to get a job and go to college and eventually live on my own and have kids and a career. I only just turned 18, but I have this unsettling feeling that I’m going to fail at life. Sometimes, my goals seem too ambitious and I begin to undermine myself and my abilities. I don’t like feeling this way; all of this stress is distracting and time-consuming. Even when I’m in casual settings, with friends or at home, I’m thinking about the future,
An issue I have is that I don’t see myself fitting into the rest of the world so easily. I feel like I’m not going to be able to make the right connections with people, because I’m weird and I’m going to be alone and sad all my life. I need to stop worrying so much and just let things run their course. I bring myself a lot of unhappiness when I worry about things too much. I just get anxious when things are out of my control. And with everything to come in my transition to adulthood, I’m extra nervous. I need to probably meditate or go to yoga to center myself. I’m hoping I find some reality. ♦