Keianna

On Monday, I said something horrible to a friend. I spoke words that should have never left my mouth, that I’d never thought about saying to them.

They responded the way that I would have responded by asking if they had really heard me right then walking away and not talking to me for a couple of days. I immediately regretted it and felt horrible. In all honesty I felt like a fake. Here I was the person who goes out of their way to make sure people are comfortable and calls out injustices. How could I go against everything I believe in and stand for?

I gave him space. I think that was the hardest part of this whole thing. I missed my friend’s presence in my life; they are truly one the coolest people I know. The parts of the day I looked forward to most was seeing them in the hallway and joking around. It hurt a lot knowing I had caused the end of those little moments.

There was no excuse for what I said. I know in my heart that there was no reason for me to say something that would deeply hurt one of my friends. I didn’t try to make excuses because there were none. What really troubled me was the fact that other people tried to make excuses for me. “Well they do ____” and “They can’t really get mad because they do ______” are some things that people said to try and make me feel better about the situation. These people weren’t very close to the situation and don’t understand the things I believe in.

I know that my friend might have things that they have to work on but that doesn’t give me the excuse to say whatever I want to them. Their misdoings didn’t mean they deserved mistreatment.

On Thursday, I gave my friend a handwritten letter of apology. It laid out my feelings and let them know that I actually meant what I said. This was important for me because I’m used to people saying stuff like “I’m sorry you took that the wrong way,” and it really bothers me. My friend really seemed to appreciate the letter. They hugged me really hard and told me that they’d thought we weren’t going to be friends anymore and had been sad because they missed me. They later told me that they knew I really meant it because I’d taken the time to write out my apology and make it personal instead of just giving a generic “I’m sorry.”

On Monday, I made a mistake but I learned and grew from it. ♦