Keianna

Earlier this week I read that Beyoncé has said, “You could actually work super hard and give everything you have…and lose.”

I’ve been living my life with the mindset that everything will work out in the end. Always in the back of my mind is the idea that one day I’ll be a famous writer and filmmaker, and that whoever I end up marrying will be successful and dependable, too. We’ll have dogs and maybe even a couple of kids who we will raise to be open-minded and accepting.

Now that I am on the brink of adulthood, I’m starting to realize that a good life doesn’t just happen. Let me tell you that having to entertain that fact is not fun at all. What’s even worse to think about is that it just might not happen at all.

For a very short period in my 14th year I told myself that all I was ever going to be was a parent with a job, so I might as well get excited for that. I have so much respect for everyone who really wants that, but I knew that I was kidding myself. Still, that week was one of the most laid-back I’ve ever had. I didn’t stress about getting art done or creating anything, because in my mind I didn’t need that to do what I wanted to do.

I got incredibly bored. I missed the stressful process of making something just right and the reward of having something that was previously just a thought turn into something I could see.

Artists have day jobs. I know that but I never want that job to feel like that’s the only thing I have going for me. I don’t want to lose my sense of creativity but on the flip side I know that I’ll need to fund my creative ideas somehow.

As far as creative ideas go, I’m working really hard to make them happen. I’ve decided to make my struggle to find resources into an art piece, so that if all else fails at least I have that. If everything goes as planned, I’ll be doing what I want and have a cool documentary to show how I got there.

Whatever the outcome, I’m going to give anything I do 100 percent dedication so that I’ll be proud of everything I put my name on. If I do that, I don’t think I’ll ever look back at my life and think of anything as a loss. ♦