I submit my early-decision college application and my entries to a poetry contest on consecutive days. The victories come with more waiting, and a curse. I have forgone a lot of my duties to focus on the ED app, but I am feeling some of the best feelings—inklings I never even conceived of until they latched onto me recently. I believe in myself enough that I know I will be able to fix everything that has been fractured in my life, recent things and a few guest issues from the past. I am proud of myself. And I know my mother would be too.
I begin writing poetry again. Everything new that I feel makes me tremble, in a way that, for perhaps the first time in my life, makes me want to never leave my house. A kind of stasis but I can see the action—how do I feel it?