Kiana

Fourth week of October: The break in my university semester is here. I’ve spent days lounging around in a bed in the living room, reading a book and intermittently falling asleep. When I wake, the light sits slanted across my cheek; I’m sweaty and it’s hot.

There’s an upcoming beach trip with my Biology lab mates later this week, or soon enough to get my nerves all tangled, worrying about my body again and how I’ll look under the sun, fried and too brown for anyone’s liking.

I’m trying to accept the light coming in through the window and the new divisions of walls in our house since grandma had it remodeled and repaired four days ago. I’m trying to find the light source inside me, too, wherever it is located at the moment; scouring my brain for inspiring, uplifting platitudes left behind by the greatest hands, the greatest tongues.

I also started reading Chris Kraus’s I Love Dick—17 pages in and I’m gasping and wide-eyed. Pray for your dear girl, and thank the heavens for the great sis Chris. ♦