To believe and invest in you will be my greatest contribution to posterity

I remember exactly what I felt
when I hurt my knee for the first time
He might be the same age you are today
and certainly the same resistance
to remedy the heat to cure it.

Do you remember the day you came home
and I was in tears trying to prepare dinner?
“She’s Leaving Home” played on the radio
and I did not know how to invent a better excuse
long ago, when spring was about to wake me
I chose not to be that child
crying on the road because of the kind of person
that I was to become not far away;
and I wish I was like that famous Portuguese poet
and had the creativity to transform our lives into art
and not just a bunch of everyday situations.

Since it had dropped its first milk tooth
I gave up on me complaining that there was no more solution
and concentrated on trying to be the best
(Or simply the best that could be)
I have not invented a time machine
I’m really not so smart
but I’m struggling, and I try to fulfill my obligations.

I gave up asking for help (…)
no matter how many things I have done
I would never be worthy or good enough;
but since the day I helped you with homework
in which I only drew a tree
next to the house and the dog you had drawn alone
well…since the day I decided to become infallible.

Things started the wrong way
at the time I thought he was the owner of the world
He was young, dumb, and dreamy, too
to understand that being dead or alive
the earth does not cease its course…
I do not know if you ever feel the same intensity
this urge to become as soon as free and independent
sometimes I watch you from afar
and do not see any remnant of my on you
you were born with a pure heart, and in all respects
I prefer to remain so.

It’s been two or three years since I have chosen to
become a better person
I steadied a good job
and don’t even think about those ugly things
and it’s difficult to explain once
Today I realize that until then
I never had a legitimate purpose
I was too selfish to think about legacy
I was walking in the world
and did not have much prospect…
but you know perhaps by broken glass
or my makeup hidden in his backpack
I am listing material things
because although not a child anymore
I still do not know very well how to deal with my feelings.

I’m not as fair as you’d like
I’m always staggered and being guided by signs, simple ones
and the mess made by your return to school
I feel weird when I’m growing inside me
this will change everything around
I mean not only the furniture
I’m not just talking about a change in a particular context
I really want to transform reality
and certainly never will attain technical perfection
the sensationalist TV advertisements
because we do not need to be like everyone else.

Would you be proud of me?
it took me a lot to write this note
and perhaps the bad handwriting and grammar errors
prevent you from capturing the true essence of
my intentions
I’m still groping in the dark and sometimes
still forgetting to put salt in food
but I feel every day I’m growing
and becoming a kind of heroine for you
no super powers or cool clothes
just trying to keep the bills on time, I try to protect her from the world’s evil
simple things that previously I wouldn’t even consider or worry
I am now on my list of priorities
sure, I have not planted trees
and I never will become a famous writer
taking into account the simplicity of my narrative
we live in one of the largest cities in the country
and I need to be much more than that
and when I look in your eyes
and realize their admiration
and I feel that in a not too distant future
you want to be like me
are at times like this, I realize I can not fail
because there is still hope for us
and while there is hope, everything will be in place.

—By Mariana S.-F., 24, São Paulo