I have never found summer to be something that is as exciting and social for me as it is often painted in movies and on social media. For me, summer has always brought up feelings of loneliness, boredom, in between-ness, and most of all: nostalgia. I have trouble with just doing nothing, which is something I am trying to learn to love. My summers are mostly spent in my bedroom, with me just thinking, like, Am I supposed to be at the beach right now? This has been a summer of nerve-racking change for me: I finished the third season of the show I work on, Girl Meets World, and have therefore been longing for a sense of routine, such as knowing my entire schedule for eight months and feeling total security in that. I have been so busy worrying about what’s going to happen next that I have not been letting what’s going to happen next happen. I am trying to learn that control is merely an illusion, there is no right way to experience things (especially summer), and that sometimes doing “nothing” and just thinking all day is actually doing something: allowing me to get to know myself. I am trying to teach myself that loneliness is malleable. It is a sign that I need to be by myself and learn to be with myself. These images are colored by those feelings and are modeled by my best friend since kindergarten, Raegan.
Thank you Raegan for modeling.