Lilly

The notices start arriving: Facebook posts and invitations to graduation parties and markers on our class map. The cute girl from my last college visit makes her commitment halfway across the country. I’ll probably never see her again, because my decision has already been made. I’ve been wearing my representative sweatshirt for two weeks.

I run five kilometers for my P.E. final. It’s surprisingly easy, and I feel strong. The morning after I wake up to find my windows pelted with rain that will last for days—my favorite kind of weather. It’s hard to focus on studying, even with my last few exams and term papers nipping at my ankles. But the air tastes like things ending, and to me that’s just a reminder that no matter what, this will be over soon.

Some parts of that are easy to accept. New surroundings, academic freedom—I’ve been eagerly anticipating those for years. Other parts are harder to come to terms with. All of my friends and I will be going our separate ways in just a couple of short months and maybe it’s foolish to want to cling to your high school friends, but I think it’s just as foolish to be as distant as I’ve been the past couple of weeks. It’s not that they don’t matter to me; I guess some part of me thinks it’ll be easier to leave if I feel like I don’t matter to them as much as I used to. I don’t think I’m wording it right because it doesn’t even make sense to say it.

OK, something happier: I’m going to run more this summer. I did my 5K as part of a huge race in my area and even with all of my post-practice aches and pains—because my coach wasn’t going to let us go early just because we had a race to run that night—it felt good, and it felt smooth, and I didn’t even realize it was almost over until I had the finish line in my sights. I want to do that more. I’ve missed how running makes me feel. Maybe in this time of ceaseless change all I really need is one constant to hold onto. ♦