Fatma

Every show or film or song that I listen to is about the hardships that friends go through, or the fun that they have when they hang out at the mall. I can’t relate. The combination of being 13 and also having super overprotective parents means that I’m not allowed to go out by myself. So, the only interactions I have with people my age are at school and, unluckily, I have no friends there. I’m always the subject of laughter at school for some reason. I really long for a friend. I can imagine drinking smoothies in the shopping centre, or playing basketball in the park with a group of companions. But I guess I’ll never know how it feels.

All I do is read, watch films, and listen to music. And although that sounds really fun, I feel lonely. Sometimes, I just want to cry. I’m dreading the first day back after Easter break because I have no one to talk to. I don’t even talk at school, which explains why people always look at me like I’m a demented ghost who has been haunting the science block since 1990 when she accidentally was killed in an explosion. (That sounds like an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark that I watched recently). I’m honestly not like that at all. I’m just too shy to start a conversation. I wish someone would talk to me who’s not my mum, dad, sister, or my dog. I feel like such a loser.

But when I really think about it, my teenhood will end one day and I’ll be an adult and none of this will bother me anymore. I dream of the day when I can wear what I want, go where I want to go and when I don’t have to ask my Mum if I can dye my hair or not. If anything, I feel worse about being a girl because I feel nervous going places by myself and I can’t wear shorts that fall above my knees. But now I’m prioritizing my first world problems: How can I be so selfish when there are innocent people dying from poverty and war. I can’t believe how self-centred I can be.

Maybe having friends isn’t that important. I think I prefer sitting in my room, listening to my Frank Sinatra cassette. ♦