Ananda

Am I completely unlovable, undesirable? Because that’s what it feels like, as though I’m alone in a world where we all value companionship. There’s a multitude of people out there, looking for something, however vague or specific, why aren’t they looking for me? Maybe someone out there is, how am I meant to find them. How am I meant to fix myself if no one gives me the tools I need?

People always say that you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you, and while I call bullshit on that, I do love myself. I’m a good person: I can be funny and kind and loyal and I love the parts of myself that are so dark. But no one else does. Maybe I’m being selfish and greedy, but what I have isn’t enough. I don’t even need all of these things: Rooms filled with material possessions that I appreciate, but that I don’t need. I need a person, someone who sees me, and who doesn’t wince or cower away. ♦