Side Effects of Existence
I survived notes passed
in class and muffled
giggles. Once the fifth grade
cooties epidemic had passed with us all still alive, I thought
I was home
free; I thought. With my
elementary school diploma
still clutched in my
hand, August heat making
the ink run into my palm until
a network of escape routes
appeared, I stepped foot
into junior high. I withstood
their whistles and jeers because
my twelve year old triplet
sisters showed up in the
middle of crowded hallway
to put them in
their place. My high school
feminism club told me to
protest with neon hair yet
I stayed silent while
Manic Panic stained
my neck I got my own
dorm room on the first day of
college so I stood in the
doorway with my keys in
one hand and my emergency
whistle in the other until I was
pulled into the hall by a
sorority girl. At midnight, men
run like silent hurricanes across
the train tracks to the lights
of the city, promises ready to
fade away.remnants
5 pennies 3 nickels 1 dime.
the tag from a $20 sweater.
one of the umbrellas from a bodega.
receipts from summer.
a lollipop wrapper.
now a wave comes and washes
everything away and
now we
forget.
reset.hide and seek: part two
- you are crouched in
- tall grasses
- breathing hard
- rustling around you
- is a bird and then
- it flies away forever
- what is it like to fly?
- do you know why
- children play in the
- street?
- it’s that moment
- in between
- brush your teeth
- wash your hands
- now it’s over
- a dark room
- breathing heavy
- screams echo
- from the hallway
- oh to be free
- someday i’ll
- be part of
- eternity
- fear of living
- fear of dying
- maybe danger
- maybe not
- say your prayers
- tell your sisters
- now we forget
collisions with panic
i run, panting
(what happened what happened)
silent proclamations of
fear churning and
chanting in my mind over again
(what happened what happened)
the man on the street comer with
his guitar balanced
on his knee. i shout
leave me alone like
a joyful mourner
and now i am
balanced at the
edge of the street.
(what happened what happened)Five Dollar Mistakes
In eighth grade
this girl in my class made
me go to the pharmacy with her to
shoplift nail polish and she
put the stolen polish in her push-up
bra but when we walked in front of the
shopkeeper one of the bottles slipped and
Pepto-Bismol nail polish spilled onto the cheap
purple carpet and I ran
outside so I didn’t get caught.
The girl walked out just a few
moments behind me while inching her
skirt hemline up just a little bit
higher. She reached into her
bra and pulled out three bottles of
polish while the men down the
street leered at her. When I asked her
how she got away from the shopkeeper
she shook her ass and told me that it’s
fun to be slutty; like that was her
one faithless attempt
at honesty.Police Report: Witness
He grabbed her arm while she
screamed for her sisters and
punched him in the jaw he saw
stars and then he saw
me me and told me to go away he said
he loved her he whispered how
he knew she was one of those kinds
of girls so why not bang him too
he said many things. That I remember
even now, even after the pills
that made me forget how
gray everything is. After watching my mother’s
tears gauge my pain
until she shriveled up
completely; that I remember. Now, on my
last deathbed, I remember how
I stayed quiet.P.S. (Post Syrinx)
Dear Syrinx,
I miss you.
Dear Syrinx,
I was cooking yesterday from a
French cookbook and all I could
think the whole time was
je te manque je te manque je te manque
and I was wondering if you missed me too.
Dear Syrinx,
We got an update on your case. Pan is
being questioned tomorrow. A witness
reported seeing what happened.
The report made me want to die forever.
Dear Syrinx,
Je te manque.
Je te manque.
Je te manque.
Dear Syrinx,
I feel numb now. The days are getting
shorter and there was frost on the
window this morning.
Dear Syrinx,
The world seems so strange without you.
Days are more delicate now, but I suppose
existence was always a little fragile.
One Comment
Lennon, all your photos are so beautiful!