The argument I had with my friend has had a bigger impact than I thought. For the most part, I thought that I was doing well. I avoided a lot of triggering things and thought I was dealing with my depression. But, really, so many new shitty things have happened that this past year was probably the worst for my depression. I had the weird relationship thing, and then the fights with my dad, and the emotional neglect from my mom. And now I have this bad situation with one of my closest friends.
It’s weird because I’m still mad at her but she was so involved in my life that she’s left a lot of empty space. I didn’t like hanging out with her so much after school but now I just walk to Peet’s every day by myself—my best friend has soccer practice after school so I can’t hang out with her. I don’t want to feel lonely. What’s worse is that there are some really cool girls I’ve wanted to be friends with for a long time, and recently said they want to be my friend, too, but I’m so anxious about hanging out with them that I don’t even know if I can do it! I really wish I could suck it up for my own good, but anxiety doesn’t really work like that. Even when I think it’s alright it’s really not. ♦