Cammy

Is it weird to be writing about how great things are when just last week I was writing about how bad things are? The good thing is I’m a lot happier and that’s what matters. I am expanding my friend group, which is so exciting because I’ve wanted to be friends with this group of people for a REALLY long time. These people are so cool, which made me so nervous that I put them on a pedestal. I started devaluing myself: I was 100 percent sure that I would never be as good as them. Of course that’s not true!! I’m really cool and I’m funny and I’m doing great things, and I shouldn’t make myself feel inferior to kids who are just like me. Once I’d figured that out things started opening up for me. Can you believe that in the past few days I talked to them more than I have in the last two and a half years??? It’s so strange how a while ago I was crying because I was so anxious about hanging out with them, and now I feel more relaxed about it. I’m so proud of myself!

I’m not totally over being anxious, but it’s going away gradually. (I didn’t ever think I would stop being anxious about this and now I’m certain that feeling will go away!) I’m a little scared that all these good vibes will crash, and that by the end of the week I’ll be sad and crying and talking about how terrible everything is, but I’m trying to push those thoughts away. I want things to stay the way they are right now for a long, long time. ♦