Cammy

I’m dealing with an argument I had with my friend this past weekend. It wasn’t really an argument. At first, there was tension on my end because this friend was doing a lot of things I didn’t like and she was oblivious to them. I really hate conflict with friends, which is why I let it go on for so long, and why I also wasn’t prepared to talk about it as soon as I ended up having to.

I was coping by talking to other friends about my issues with her—it was a way of blowing off steam as quickly as it was building up. But at some point, talking about it just made me more mad. It’s weird, the more I talked about it, the more things I found that I’d suppressed that pissed me off. I guess I suppress these things because I hang out with her a lot, and I didn’t want to ruin anything. But now things are starting to feel kinda ruined and I’m really upset about that.

When she asked me if something was wrong I told her I didn’t feel like talking about it. Then she asked me again, and again. So I tried to organize some things that I thought we could try working out. I told her, for instance, that she does this strange thing where she is listening but will then make what I’ve said all about her in some way. One time, I told her about something that bothered me and she was like, “I’m sorry, I can’t believe I was like this to you this whole time! I’m a terrible person and I’m so mad at myself! I hope you’ll still be my friend?” And I was just like, ????

There’s a time for everything, but she rushed me to talk things through and then was not really able to address the issues I raised. I’m mainly upset about the end result: She decided for herself that I don’t want to be her friend, which is so wrong! And she’s sad now, but she excommunicated herself. It’s so frustrating!!

I don’t know when I’ll get over this, or if I’ll ever get over it, but maybe it’s truly not my issue to solve. I’m just upset that I may have lost a good friend. ♦