My friend Paul, sort of the Dr. Phil of my high school, tells me the best way to get over someone is “fiend after somebody new.” Time and time again, this has proved itself true. I think it is time I apply this philosophy to all aspects of my life.
I feel annoying, and tired of crediting all the problems within my life to that one mistake which resulted in two months grounding. I don’t like doing this, because it’s all over now. I shouldn’t dwell in the past. Things can be good and fun now, and I want them to be. So I have to live in the moment.
While I was absent from it all, I made a big mistake. I assumed everything would be the same once I “re-emerged.” I isolated myself. I spent all my time and energy in one friendship, and the two of us grew dependent upon each other. I spent great amounts of time replaying memories from the past—the times I’d been with “him,” the adventures I’d had with my friends, the successes which had come to me. I disengaged from my desire to be social, even at school, one of the few places I got to see my friends. I spent all my time finishing movies and novels I’d started and not finished. All of these things ignored the present. I sought to fulfill what the past had promised. I sought to craft some perfect future.
The biggest step toward this, is to remove “his” name from my mind. I don’t think about him because I think he’s the cutest boy to ever live, or because I want to marry him one day, or even because I want to be with him right now. I think about him because it takes me back to times I was happy, which uncoincidentally, were the times when I was living in the moment. These memories remind me of going into situations with no preconceived notions and letting the randomness of nature take its course.
Despite my meticulous college searching, my to-do lists, my visualizations of my future, I have no idea what is to come. And I’m starting to realize, there is something comforting about that. ♦