Ananda

If you told me to describe myself in five words, what would I say?

I’m creative, loving, empathetic, awkward, and loyal. The majority are good qualities, and while true, I wouldn’t necessarily put them in the foreground of my identity, these are just things you say in order to satisfy people. Like when they ask how you are and you say you’re fine even when you’re dying inside. Or interacting with people purely to be polite or as routine. So when you ask me to describe myself in five words. I’ll embellish.

I’m creative, but I’m also unmotivated. I have a library of ideas but no clue how to put them into a reality and no motivation to actually do them.

I’m loving but maybe a bit too much, I have attachment issues and maybe that’s to do with my fear of loss. So, instead of using the word loving, a word that seems to come easily to me, I’ll use the word attached instead. Something that maybe has too many negative connotations.

I’m empathetic, but to the point of pain. I have become so sensitive to other people’s problems that I dismiss my own. And when it comes to my own I break down when no one’s watching. This is something I rarely say out loud.

I’m awkward, but it’s more than that. I’m riddled with illnesses I can’t escape. The depression pulls me down as the anxiety laughs at me. So me being awkward isn’t just a quirky teenage girl from a John Green novel type thing. Its because I don’t know how else to be.

I’m loyal and true, and I believe in people but I’m also arrogant. I may think that I’m a lesser person than the people I love, but I also think that I’m better, superior, and that doesn’t make for a very good friend. ♦