Endlessness

I’m back on top of a building’s rooftop. I’ve been here once before. Everything around me looks like it’s filtered with the colors of the sun when it sets. The concrete walls and the leaves on trees absorb the sun’s rays. I never manage to look over to view the scenery to hint at where I am. I look to my right and see some steps leading down. I realize that my heart has been pounding, and I feel the need to run away, but I don’t know from what. I run over to the steps, and as soon as I step down, everything around me vanishes. I’ve fallen into a black hole and my body is being pulled into the vastness that surrounds me. I feel as though I’m being extended through time, and my insides are slowly shrinking down. I envision my lungs being suctioned out until their plump pink color fades into a dark red and they morph into a pebble shape. The wind is knocked out of me and I’m free falling. I swing my arms out to try to grab on to anything I can. But alas—nothing, and it seems like an eternity has gone by. I don’t know when this is going to end.

I am now on the end of a street and the setting has changed from yellow-orange sun rays radiating over everything to a gloomy gray setting. I am sitting in a grass field filled with a variety of bright blue and purple flowers. The plants are what stand out amongst the rest of the open scenery. I remember that I have to be on time for an important event, but I have forgotten what it particularly is at the moment. Walking through the fields, I find a shortcut to get to where I’m trying to go. I see crowds of people outside their homes walking towards a grocery store. All the homes look the same, and I feel uneasy. Blood rushes to my face and my heart drops. The world is about to turn on its side, and I try to rush over to a stop sign, in order to hold on. I begin to run but every time I step forward I am forced back. I feel like there’s an invisible rubber band around my waist, and I struggle to get free from its grip. Once I can start running, I feel that no matter how hard I try, I can’t run fast enough. And then, the feeling of doom overwhelms me, and I’m now lying in bed. I begin to realize that I may be in a dream and start becoming aware of what’s going on. Just as I start to realize this, I fall back even deeper into my dream. Again, I’m lying in bed, only this time my television is on. The familiar blue hues that come from my television envelop the room. My room doesn’t give me the sense of safety that it usually does. I reach over for the remote in its usual spot next to my pillow and switch the television off. The room goes dark and I tightly shut my eyes.

By the time I open them, I’m walking in front of a big yellow house that I don’t recognize. The day is hot and sweat begins to form on my forehead. I am looking at myself and my face looks distorted—I can’t make out my features clearly. Now I begin to walk along a long road and look ahead of me only to see an endless design of brick after brick. The bricks aren’t aligned into a proper line. It’s like Tetris on the ground, and I become entranced by the moving shapes. These shapes are cylinders, squares, and other polygons, not usual Tetris blocks. I try to make sense of the moving ground and see smoke begin to rise from the hot afternoon pavement. I carefully follow this line of blurry smoke and see it move further up. I reach out with my hand to put my fingers through it, in an attempt to grab it and pull it towards me somehow. The smoke suddenly falls to the ground and forms a wide circle around my feet. Just then I notice my shadow; I’ve never seen my shadow in one of my dreams, and I once again become aware that I’m dreaming. I start to wave my hands around and jump from right to left. My shadow follows my every move. Then I step forward and my shadow goes backward and ends up behind me. I twist my head around to look at it, and it’s gone. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that it’s now in front of me. I quickly turn forward and it’s back behind me. I keep turning and turning, trying to find my shadow. I can’t keep up with it. So I begin to run, and my shadow is in front of me at a great distance now. I spring my body forward to catch up, but it becomes increasingly harder and harder each time I try. My shadow has now completely disappeared. The scorching hot day has cooled down thanks to the fluffy white clouds blocking the sun. I’ve become exhausted trying to keep up with my unattainable shadow. And so I stop and sit on the grass on the side of the road and see that I’ve only moved a few feet away from the yellow house. Without hesitation, I get up and make my way inside. In there, I see a familiar face, but can’t remember who it is. They tell me they have a car I can borrow to get home. I get in the old beat up blue car and sit in the back. I start to drive from the back seat and am on a highway. I see a sharp curve coming up and tell myself to be careful because the fall down is deathly. Suddenly two other people are in the car with me and show me a picture. I try to focus on the tortuous curves of the highway and then on the picture. The car becomes difficult to drive, and I lose control. The car goes off the highest highway curve, and I close my eyes, and brace myself. I think about what will come after the impact. Will I wake up in the hospital? Probably not, the drop is too high to survive. Will I be able to roam the Earth? Will I still be able to see the people I’ll miss? And then I am oblivious. Everything is pitch black again, and the end credits of my life begin to play on a screen.

—By Brenda G., 19, California ♦