Thahabu

People ask me why I’m so private, “Why are you so guarded? You should open up more.” It’s because I never get the response I’m hoping for when I finally decide to confide in someone. They end up “complimenting” me on how brave and strong I am, but I hate when I tell people my problems and they reply, “You’re so strong you’re such a fighter.” I don’t want to be a fighter. I’d give anything to have never had those experiences. Being a fighter is fucking rough! As short and frail as I am I’ve never felt small. Everyone cracks jokes about my size but then wants me to do everything alone while also carrying their load, whether it’s emotional or physical.

I do not want to be strong anymore. I spend 95 percent of my days wishing I could lay my burdens down in someone’s lap and just cry for the rest of my life. They like me when I’m strong but will they like me when I’m weak? When I grow tired of carrying them, and what seems like the rest of the world, on my shoulders, will they still love me? ♦