This week at my dad’s has been rough. On the first full day after the switch, we got into an argument (my parents are divorced so I switch houses every week). I can’t even call it an argument, because according to him I’m not allowed to get angry at him, or raise my voice at him, because it’s disrespectful. It turns into me trying to speak, but being cut off by constant tone policing and him yelling over me.
The issue was that he wanted me to make an appointment for him and I said I would, but I didn’t do it immediately because he didn’t tell me how important it was. In response, he accused me of trying to deliberately sabotage him. That’s so frustrating in itself, but I had also just come back from being with friends, it was only the beginning of the week, and I didn’t want any problems. I tried explaining myself calmly and respectfully, but he turned his nose up at everything. I started crying. Recently, it feels like every week at my dad’s comes with a blow up like this one. I don’t know why it’s happening but it sucks.
When the argument, which had a lot to do with privacy and power dynamics, finally subsided, I told him that to solve this issue of miscommunication, I’m not going to talk to him as much. Now, close to a week later, I haven’t really spoken to him. In the car, I sit in the back seat rather than the front. I give one-word answers to his questions about my day, when usually, I go on a spiel and throw in odd details, too. When I come home, I go straight upstairs to my room, making it a point to NOT watch Family Feud, which is part of our fun, post-work routine. We haven’t been eating dinner together recently, so when he texts me to say food is ready, I don’t come down until much later. Before, the family would sit down and pick a show to watch and talk about together. It makes me upset that he thinks I’m the one in the wrong, but he’s nowhere close to considering that maybe he messed up. He doesn’t often take accountability for his actions.
That fight hasn’t really impacted the other parts of my life. I’m still able to focus on work and talk to my friends, both of which are really important to me. But being submerged in this negative environment makes so upset that I worry about things not being normal, or not being able to control how sad I am about it. A while ago, I was wondering why a lot of my friends have never seen me cry, especially since I cry a lot (I put this down to being a Pisces). I think I’ve just got such great friends that they can totally turn my mood around. I feel bad talking about family problems anyway; I don’t want to talk about myself too much, or send bad vibes their way. They are dealing with their own things, too.
On a brighter note, I am taking a cool concurrent enrollment course, which means a professor from one of the local colleges comes to our school and we get college credits for this class. It’s like an AP course, but without the stress of an AP exam. (My last AP exam was stressful, but I also rushed through and took a nap the majority of the second half and I still scored a three! Also, the proctor was also hella cute, anyways!!!!). This course is African American history which I know I’m gonna have fun in. Plus, I get to switch to my mom’s house this week, so I won’t have to be here around my dad. ♦