To my buddy and eternal cosmic phenomenon,

This so-called “luxury” vacation is a misnomer, to be totally honest with you. When they said that I’d won an “all-inclusive” trip to Cereiishula, I didn’t know they meant that endless hoards of weird and creepy bugs (the size of my HAND! Ew ew EW), itchy rashes (everywhere—even…there), freaky weather (Impromptu acid storms! Every day! Just what you want on your first day trips out to survey the local wildlife), and slimy food that I SWEAR moves around when I’m not looking was also completely gratis. Needless to say, it’s been a bit of an unpredictable trek so far—but while the reality of Cereiishula has been a little different from my expectations, it’s still certainly been far from unenjoyable!

I know you asked for details, lots of ’em, so I’ll include everything I can remember (although I’ve got to warn you that my memory might be a little hazy sometimes à cause de all the bugs swarming around). Settle in, because I’m going to take you on a hellish ’n’ heavenly departure to a planet seventy-two thousand, five hundred twenty-three light-years away WITH MY WORDS. We’ll start from day one.

When the space shuttle, the Wandering Star, touched down on Cereiishula (the locals call it Cereii), I was super excited. Who wouldn’t be? I mean, trips to other planets IN THE MILKY WAY were beyond expensive, but an intergalactic vacation? That was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and one I would never have been able to take advantage of if I hadn’t won that raffle. I was bouncing around in my seat waiting to be let off of the ship, and I think the people around me didn’t know why I was so antsy—but their stares and weird looks didn’t matter! I was in ANOTHER GALAXY! I had high hopes, higher than Haley’s Comet when we saw it fly through the sky last year, for this vacation. How could I not, with the beautiful brochures and enthusiastic testimonials from past participants? The vacation organizers said themselves that I’d be able to sample local delicacies, view wildlife exclusive to Cereii, and have fun daily excursions to local attractions—they’ve got places akin to our amusement parks and museums, along with something Cereiishulans invented called “moving aquariums” (we’ll get to that later). In other words, the trip was going to embody action—never a dull moment. And I’ll admit they were right about that!

From day one—no, MOMENT one—the first thing I noticed was the…er…intense insect population. I’ve got to stress here that these aren’t your normal houseflies—they have seven bulging eyes set in two rows across their heads—four on top and three on the bottom—and enormously long red suckers that they use to spray acid and liquefy food. They don’t bother Cereiishulans too much because of their durable skin, but if you’re a human you’re not quite so fortunate. If you happen to let one crawl on you for a touch too long, they leave an angry red mark where they were standing on your skin. They’re disgusting. They’re abhorrent. And they crawl EVERYWHERE. I hate bugs when I’m just on Earth—I can’t handle having my entire meal ruined when a big-ass bug decides that my fresh-caught twelve-tentacled muscosquid looks like a nice, tasty, liquefiable treat before its next dumpster dive!!! Ewww.

Speaking of food, I’m actually loving the dishes they’ve got over on dear old Cereii. The frequency of acid rainstorms on this planet demands that the wildlife (and the residents!) form special adaptions to avoid harm, and Mother Nature has thought of some useful solutions: A lot of species have entire filtering systems built into their bodies so high levels of acid can’t get in, and others (like animals that have squishy, soft bodies) are able to enclose themselves entirely inside a shell that shields them from the pelting rain. Contrary to what you might imagine, the plants, too, are super bright and colorful and lush, unimpeded by the torrential downpour. There’s no barren, gray horizon to be found out here! Every plant and animal out here is built from top to bottom to handle less-than-ideal environments; they all run like well-oiled machines and the acid can’t hurt them like it can humans (I was a tad unprepared for my first couple excursions and had to mooch off someone else for acid rain cover). This and the other harsh conditions on Cereii makes for some interesting-looking critters, but they always taste good—kind of like chicken?—but maybe that’s more of a nod to the culinary skills of the local residents. It’s true that the food seems to move while you’re eating it, but after I called a server after being alarmed by the presence of what appeared to be a living creature in my meal, I learned that this was actually an optical illusion created by the Cereiishulan chefs. Cereiishulans are really big into sauces—creamy, sour, salty, bitter, light—if you can think of it, Cereiishulan culture has already embraced it wholeheartedly. Cereiishulan sauces make everything, regardless of the content, taste good, but the ingredients (a hint of electrodes and electrolytes) induce a harmless “jump” into the food immersed in them. Apparently, one of the fun parts about eating here is watching the food move around seemingly on its own. I’ll concede it’s a little strange, but trust me—it’s totally worth it for the deliciousness of the meals. I’m pretty sure I could even eat one of the gross flies if someone on Cereiishula chopped it up and served it with a homemade sauce—THAT’S how good their recipes are. I’m going to be bringing back a few jars of my favorites when I return, so we can try them out together on our pasta dishes!

Cereii’s got Earth beat in terms of raw style. Because of the environment, everyone here wears gas masks. But while on Earth that would be unusual, here kids and the elderly alike wear them all the time like it’s no big deal, and it’s actually a sort of fashion statement on Cereiishula—do you have a boring black or gray mask or a fluorescent, patterned model? It’s definitely a cool way to fuse fashion and function! The locals also like to don flashy acid-repellant ponchos when they’re out and about during a storm, and I bought one on my second day as a souvenir. I got you one, too! Although the ponchos meant to repel acid, you can also use them as regular raincoats. I also like to use mine as a fly swatter when it’s folded up, because there’s no way in hell I’m going to touch one of those nasty pests with my bare hands. (Ewww—just thinking of it makes me cringe.) The clothes are a little on the longer side because Cereiishulans are so tall (the average height around here is about 7’10”), but I got us the smallest size available so they should fit pretty well.

On Earth, a lot of people think aliens—populations on other planets—are foreign and scary, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The Cereiishulans I’ve interacted with have been nothing but endlessly kind and welcoming, and they’ve been more than happy to listen to me talk about how I miss the stuff of Earth, like pizza, and marvel at all the new things I’ve seen and smelled and heard on this planet. When I’ve gotten lost in the neon cityscape amongst the throng of tall and quick-walking locals, I’ve almost always been approached by a complete stranger who offers to point me in the right direction. I can’t imagine why anyone would think of these people as anything but the friendly and personable crowd they are. I can’t imagine why anyone would be prejudiced against those they’ve never truly encountered or understood based solely on what they’ve heard, or on their perceptions rather than their experiences. This trip has really showed me what intergalactic relations could be like if everyone were more open and accepting around the world, around the galaxy.

It’s almost time for me to grab dinner at the café by my hotel room, so I’ve got to scoot. I’ll be home soon, though! Write me back ASAP—I’ll definitely have a lot more to tell you after I spend a few more days here. Eat some pizza for me and remember to record that episode of Intergalactic Warrior for me—and you’d BETTER NOT SPOIL IT FOR ME! I love you so much, and I’m thinking of you always. Stay awesome.

Lots of love, good cosmic vibes, and stardust,
Victoria ★

—By Victoria C., 18, Alberta, Canada