This one’s for my dad; he likes this kind of story:

I shall now tell you the story of how I met Charlie.

Charlie is one of the nicest guys you’ll meet, he’s got blond hair and freckles all over his face, he’s obsessed with Star Wars and he makes the best most complicated mac and cheese. I met him one afternoon while I was at Jessica’s house after school; we were watching The Jeremy Kyle Show and yelling at the TV. He entered the house with Jessica’s brother Jake. Jess leapt up when she saw him and screamed, “Have you got it?”

Charlie swung his backpack to the floor and pulled out a bottle of some kind of rum, a pack of cigarettes, and a large bag of millions sweets. I raised my eyebrow at Jess who threw me a packet of millions, “We’re gonna show you how to live.”

“What is this a ’90s movie?”

Jessica poured us all shots and opened the packet of cigarettes.

“Um, Jess, I don’t smoke, and it’s Thursday—school tomorrow.”

She laughed and took a shot, “Oh Nandie, they are not for you.”

I looked at Charlie and smiled, he introduced himself and we sat down. We watched as Jake took some shots, poured a few drops of the rum onto the wooden table, and poured the rest down the sink. The siblings lit several cigarettes and put them in an ash tray which had been placed in the middle of the table, they then opened the millions and emptied the contents of the bags all over the room—in the sofa cushions, on the top of a plant, on all the surfaces. I could wait no longer and asked Charlie, “What are they doing?”

“They’re trying to get grounded so they can skip some family party they have to go to.”

I laughed and got up to help the siblings. Charlie did the same and the evening turned into a food fight. ♦