Simone

It seems every day, my idea of a perfect future changes. The course of my life is fun to ponder, because it’s far off. I’m young, and everything and anything seems possible. I love equating adding college into the situation, because at this present moment, I’ve been led to believe—by brochures, and websites, and speeches from my parents—that college will singularly determine the course of my life. I have many desires in life, but it seems I can only achieve them by going to the right university. There’s one dream in which I attend film school in California, shop a few screenplays, start acting on the side, and eventually become the most recognized character actress of my time. Another sees me at Georgetown, and after graduation, climbing my way to the top of Capitol Hill. Or, I drop out of NYU my junior year to tour full-time with my band to resurrect rock & roll—and we do. My favorite dream involves attending school out of the country, somewhere in Europe, traveling, studying ferociously, adapting to new cultures, and ultimately, having kids with dual citizenship. But my indecision is astounding. It seems every day, sometimes twice a day, my aspirations change, along with my dream school.

I want all this to calm down soon. I remind myself that while my education is important, it isn’t everything. I promise myself that if I’m resourceful and determined, I can achieve many things in life. But, from here, it’s only going to get worse. My approaching junior year means college counselors, standardized testing, and campus tours. My grades matter, more than they ever have. I live in a very competitive town in terms of college. I can’t help but to feel I’ll disappoint myself, or worse yet, others.

What scares me the most about applying to college is convincing one school that I am most passionate about them. It’s not that I have any shortage of ambition, I just wish I could exert it into one toward a single goal.

Maybe it’s because I’m so young, and so constantly surrounded by change: changing faces, new friends, different schools every few years. Every day I acquire new knowledge of the world. I’d always assumed the 10 years between five and 15 see more drastic changes than the 10 years between 30 and 40, or 40 and 50, but I’m not sure that’s true anymore. Often, I see adults just as antsy, confused, and yearning as I, but less hopeful, and stuck. ♦