I’m going through Something.
I’m treading through something like quicksand or thick ocean. I look up and see my path resume in the distance, but when I look down there is still the Something that I have to fight through first.
Something aka letting myself go. Some of my personal rules for myself are still intact. Others, not so much. It’s been this way ever since I left CSSSA. I can tell I have gained weight because my thighs touch a little bit more. I hate the feeling of them touching and I don’t want to get used to it. I don’t want to accept it. My grasp on sanity will begin to slip if they keep touching for much longer, so I need to get through this Something faster.
The difference between this Something and previous Somethings is that I am not trying to pretend that it isn’t happening. It’s happening. And it is necessary.
I cannot sleep, and I’m annoying myself with the way I am rubbing the side of my pen against the used pages of this composition book. I hope that by next week, I will be meeting you on the other side of this wild Something. ♦