Lilly

Last week I went ziplining with my cousins. I’ve only gone once before, two or three years ago, but I still remember it clearly. This time, there were no nerves walking up to that first line, only the rush of adrenaline and joy when I stepped off the platform and into the abyss. The harness holds you easily, and for 30 seconds you’re responsible for nothing but floating in the empty air.

Yesterday the U.S. women’s national soccer team won the World Cup for the first time in 16 years. This morning I asked myself if my favorite player would still be lying in bed wasting the hours like I was, then rolled out of bed and into my cleats. It’s good to feel that motivation again.

I’m visiting two more colleges with my best friend this weekend. We half joke about what a dream it would be if we ended up at the same school, drawing up fake workout plans and hiking trips in lazy conversation. For a while I tried to start notebooks and spreadsheets to record which schools I visited and which schools I planned on applying to and which schools I had the best chance of getting into. But I keep track of things the best when they’re in my head, not written down.

The future feels very open and very unknown right now: There are infinite directions it could go, some of them only if I take the initiative to lead it there. But things make more sense than they used to. Right now, I don’t feel so afraid. ♦