Breakups…OK, breakups are…Breakups are…
Breakups are painful, breakups consume your time and brain. Breakups are not easy—and yes, friends and people around you will try to comfort you by saying that time will pass and that eventually you will feel better. Even if you say these words to your reflection in the mirror, your brain just won’t find peace or comfort, because losing does not feel good.
We live in a society in which pain is considered a “bad” feeling. Loss and sadness are what breakups are about, but we are not taught about loss and sadness in school or at home, and we for sure aren’t able to see loss and sadness as good things when they happen. When we experience any of these emotions, we feel awkward about life, about being ourselves, and about being in that situation. Yet by being sad, we get to know ourselves and our surroundings, and it is valid to experience it. Every feeling is a reminder that we are alive.
I spent endless mornings and nights feeling terrible—crying over almost everything, wondering what went wrong and what could have been done better—and I didn’t come to any conclusion. In fact, now that I have some distance from it, I don’t think going over the subject led anywhere. At that moment, I thought it was a way to ease the pain, but the pain is still there. Wondering about all the non-existent possibilities did not help me feel better. The only thing I could do was realize it was OK to be sad, cry, and let myself be miserable.
Breakups are the opposite of falling in love, and falling in love feels marvelous, so why should breaking up be something to hide or try to forget in a couple of days? Why should people tell you that it’s all going to be OK when inside you feel like it’s not? I still can’t accept anyone telling me that I should move on and get over it because it doesn’t feel like that, and my body doesn’t understand it yet.
I have my own way to deal with loss and sadness, and that is taking pictures. It is also my way of asking for silence from the world, and of showing support to people who are in the same situation.
I am trying to be very honest about what I feel in order to feel better. Sometimes it feels OK, sometimes it does not. But I am trying; trust me, I am trying.
Of course I’m scared of saying all these things out loud because it means they are real. And of course I feel weak and vulnerable, but the thing is that it’s OK to be in this position, and you know what else? I’m really, really strong for saying these things out loud, and I’m enough. ♦
Thank you to Mañuel, Allz, María, and all my friends.
10 Comments
María, thank you so so so much for this article! I’m still trying to handle somehow with my first break-up, but in fact I’m just waiting for the pain to pass..
What you wrote makes a lot lot lot lot loooooooooottttt of sense. I never really thought about this before, and I am so glad that you showed me, that it’s normal to feel the pain and perhaps it won’t ever pass. And right now i’m really okay with that.
Maybe sadness is not always a bad thing.
Thank you and greetings from Brazil <3
Ari
Ps: your photographs are wonderful!!
The last two were heart-wreckers. Love this and love to you.
sending you love. this was achingly beautiful.
break ups suck so much. I am 6 weeks out of my first relationship and i am having a bad heartache day. Openly cried in a cafe hah. And the whole ‘time heals’ thing…today i just got so impatient. Like there was nothing i could do but just wait- tomorrow i will feel better, but today has been a hard one. I relate to this, thank you.
Break ups are never gonna be easy, and I think we find it hard to accept that, yes, we need to cry, and miss everything about the person, and also have the feeling that things won’t get better (they will, but it’s not easy to see that in the beggining).
Missing someone is very painful. I know this feeling. I really believe time can heal a lot of things; even if takes months, or a year.
Your photos are amazing and inspired me a lot. Sending you a big bug and a kiss. xx
*beginning, *hug. Whoops.
These are so beautiful and real
Maria, I wish you all the happiness <3 you are a special person who leverages emotion with art. you have a way of capturing the little things in your photos that make me see the world differently.
it’s been 7 months since my first real breakup, and although I’ve gotten a lot better, the physical pain of the heartbreak still comes back to punch me in the gut every once in a while (even though I was the break-up-er, not the break-up-ee. it really seemed like I was the only one hurting, and she never cared. funny how that worked out). even though I felt like absolute scum 24/7 for the first few months, I realized eventually that I had made the right decision and being in a secret relationship wasn’t worth getting kicked out of my home, and maybe we weren’t as right for each other as I had believed. sorry, this totally turned into personal story time, but I just found this article really similar to how I had felt a few months ago and I know for. a. fact. it gets better ♡ good luck hun
I was so reluctant to let anyone in that way and then when I met him it just hit me all at once, I remember wanting to know what his tired smile was like, what made him happiest, his favourite songs, see the world through his eyes and then when I lost him, nearly two months later it doesn’t feel any better… I adored him so much and as much as I’d like to lose the sadness I don’t want to lose the love I had for him because he was special.
Good Luck x