My budget doesn’t allow me to shop for clothes very often. I LOVE thinking about outfits and get bored easily, so I sometimes get frustrated with the finite wardrobe I’m stuck with. One thing that really reminds me that I have a limited sartorial palette: Hearing someone ask the question, “What’s your look?”
Not sure what I mean? You know how, in interviews, sometimes celebrities are asked to describe what their “look” is? The answer might be something like “go-go girl,” or “modern-day Xena,” or something equally fun. I can’t go out and buy, say, some go-go boots to attempt that “look,” but instead of feeling bummed, I try making up different, absurd categories that suit my own clothing. What would I say if a reporter came up to Famous Me while I was wearing my trusty old outfits?
Look #1: Kim Kardashian Goes to the Post Office
I very much enjoy how much you can dress up a pair of leggings and a tank by adding a fake-fur jacket. Mine reminds me of Kim Kardashian, who has some pretty fan$y-looking, probably real-fur ones. The name of this look acknowledges that it’s a more modest version of Kim’s outfits: I may look swish, but I still gotta run errands, you know?
Look #2: Grandma Goes on a Cruise
This look is inspired by my grandmother, who always wore matching floral nylon sets. She had them in lots of different prints, and I admired how easy, but put-together, they looked. I don’t have any matching floral tops and bottoms, so I wore a floral paisley T-shirt and some greenery-print leggings together. For good measure, I also threw on a dollar-store lei.
Look #3: Beyoncé Discovers Etsy
My favorite Beyoncé looks are always the super-short leotards she performs in. The Queen favors leather, elaborate lace, glitter, and gold. My personal wardrobe sadly lacks any comparable garments. HOWEVER: I do like a chiller onesie—usually a cotton romper. The one I’m wearing here is a vintage, polka-dot cutie that really vibes with the DIY, homemade aesthetic of the shopping site Etsy. Two of my great loves, combined.
Look #4: If the Pink Ladies Were the T-Birds
I have always secretly wanted to be a Pink Lady. In Grease, the Pink Ladies are the friend-crew that goody-two-shoes Sandy falls in with at her new school, and they wear the cutest powder-pink jackets. But I don’t have that much pink clothing—I’m usually much more of a black-and-white kinda gal. So I combine this aesthetic with the Ladies’ counterparts, the T-Birds, who are the main dudes at Rydell High: They smokin’ black leather jackets when they’re strutting their stuff. Here’s me, in leggings, a black tank, and a jacket that combines the best of both worlds: a satin jacket that pays tribute to the Ladies, but in T-Bird black and white.
Look #5: Rabbit-Filled Sack
Haha, OK: I wear a lot of baggy clothing, and find it kind of funny JUST HOW SHAPELESS my clothes are sometimes. That’s pretty much the only reason this look is called the “Rabbit-Filled Sack”: I mean, you don’t know what I have in there, do you? IT COULD BE ANYTHING EVEN CUTE TINY BUNNIES.
Look #6: Björk’s Sad Assistant
One of my best and easiest outfits is this drapey dress I got from Stylenanda a few years ago. It is so amazing, but because of its amazingness, I have worn it so many times that I feel slightly guilty when I put it on (shouldn’t I be more creative?). On one of the occasions I found myself donning it again, I amused myself with the idea that I was Björk’s gloomazoid personal assistant: The dress is low-key and practical but also has an interesting shape, just like I imagine the lucky and awesome (but not very cheery, maybe) person who gets to work for Björk would wear for her daily tasks.
Look #7: The CUTEST Waitress at the BEST Café!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Often, it’s the most basic outfits that make me the most frustrated. Like this cut-offs and T-shirt combo, which is fine, right? But it’s not exactly fashion rocket science. Sometimes the weather is HOT, though, and cut-offs are EXACTLY the best thing to wear! Urgh, so difficult to live sometimes. When I was wearing these garments recently, I thought, So boring. But then I thought, If someone else were wearing this, I wouldn’t be as judgmental. It is such a practical and cute look! Then I realized I looked exactly like a waitress at a corner café. You know the type of person I mean—the nice, sweet waitress who doesn’t harass you too much, makes sure you have everything you ordered as quickly as possible, and smiles if you try to make a joke. She is not wearing anything fancy (because she could spill coffee on it at any time in her line of work) but she looks cute and fun. Plus, you overhear her talking about the Morrissey choir she’s in, because, obviously, she has a cool hobby like that.
Look #8: Your Mom’s Cool Friend Who Comes Over a Lot But You’re Not Sure If She Likes You
You know exactly who I’m talking about!!!!! Aunt Leslie/Alicia/Natalie who knew your mom at school and recently moved back into the neighborhood. You met her for the first time when you were 13 and deep into your Anne McCaffrey phase, so you talked about dragons A LOT. Even to her. Every time she came over. Now, when you say hi and try to talk about non-dragon things, she smiles nicely but doesn’t really ask you any questions about yourself? Yet you keep trying because you overheard her saying something to your mom about how she is reading Proust again and you really want to talk to her about that?????? PLEASE? Like it is worth it, that book is really long?? Also she rides a motorbike and somehow her long hair always looks immaculate anyways????? She is SO HARD to figure out. But so cool also???? PLEASE LIKE ME, AUNT LESLIE/ALICIA/NATALIE. ♦