Alyson

The end-of-school dread is beginning to set up shop inside of me. It reminds me of the Mucinex ads, with the mucus that has a party in the guy’s sinuses, and then gets kicked out by the medicine. Except this dread, it has a good, long summer vacation. I put up wall after wall to shield myself from its consequences, but deep down, I knew it was invincible.

This is probably the first year I have been a bit thankful for summer *audience gasps.* I am happy to have an extra seven or so hours each day to conquer my projects and CSSSA. But there is always the fear, the self-fulfilling prophecy, that seems to lurk from summers past.

While my peers lust for these weeks of educationless freedom, I am scared to be alone with my thoughts. We don’t always get along, especially when we have too much time alone together. In school, at least, my thoughts and myself are occupied.

I don’t allow myself to spend too much time watching Netflix or TV, and direct myself towards creative projects instead. Soon enough, I become terrified to create anything, for fear that it might not be to my liking, and dig me deeper into a hole. I end up barely creating anything at all, but I am exhausted, as though I have finished a gallery’s worth of pieces. When I tell myself that this summer is going to be different, what do I mean I am going to do? How am I going to change it?

How will I not only (a) survive this summer, but (b) have fun this summer? ♦