METHOD: Exercise

When you need a temporary distraction to process your garbage feelings but a collage and/or mantra just isn’t doing it for you, may I suggest going for a super-long walk (preferably in the direction of ice cream or a really pretty park), practicing headstands until your hair permanently stands on end, or flailing around your bedroom wildly to “Uptown Funk”? All three of these activities have worked for me in different situations, so maybe they’ll work for you, too.

Physical activity reduces stress and fatigue and helps you to feel more alert. It doesn’t matter what kind of exercise you do—it’s all about moving your body in ways that feel great and work with your interests and abilities. It doesn’t have to be a giant commitment: The ADAA (Anxiety and Depression Association of America) says a 10-minute walk is as good as a 40-minute walk, and one bout of exercise can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression for hours.

PLAN OF ATTACK:

When you’re alone: This is a great time to experiment and find out what kinds of physical activity work for you. When I’m by myself, I like to follow along with stress-reducing yoga videos (about a zillion of which can be found on YouTube for free), because there’s nobody around to laugh when I try a hard pose and totally fall over. If you’re feeling something more high-energy, there are some amazing dance tutorials available as well. (Can you tell I consider “Uptown Funk” the solution to most problems?)

With a friend or small group: Getting out and moving with a trusted friend or confidante means you’ll both get to blow off some steam and clear your heads, which is a great place to be in if you want to spill your guts or ask for advice. Pick an activity you both like, be it hula hooping or hiking or WHATEVER, and get going! High-energy activities like running can be difficult, but rewarding, and doing it with another person makes distance and timing into a fun challenge.

In a public space: Sometimes all it takes to break out of a bad headspace is getting up and moving out of the physical location you’re in. This can be difficult at school or work, where you’re required to remain in one place for a set period of time. Can you head to the bathroom or the water fountain? If you’re trapped at a desk, repetitive movements can serve as a distraction. Try drumming quiet patterns with your fingers while tapping your toes inside your shoes. It takes a lot of coordination—see if you can make it through the beats of a whole song. Another weird trick I learned years ago that actually works: lf you’re tearing up like you’re about to cry, or start to get nauseous like you’re about to throw up, grab one thumb with your other hand and squeeze it in a rhythmic pattern, like a heartbeat. Keeping both your hands occupied with a weird sensation somehow distracts your brain from crying or throwing up. Seems odd, but it usually works.

METHOD: Talk It Out

Sometimes feeling crazy makes me want to shut every thought I’ve ever had away in a safe, never to be seen or heard from again. If you’re like me, when you’re already doubting your judgment, then sharing your thoughts with someone, even a trusted friend, can feel gross and icky and embarrassing. But if you’re capable of surpassing those feelings, even temporarily, sharing your thoughts and experiences with someone you trust— whether that’s a BFF, parent, teacher, community leader, or a Tumblr pen pal—can result in having a fresh set of eyes and ears to help you work on what’s bothering you.

Important note: In some states, educators are mandatory reporters, meaning that if your problems are really big ones— if you’re experiencing violence at home or you’ve been abused or assaulted— they are required by law to report the incident to the authorities. This is obviously good in most cases, as it can lead to safer conditions for survivors of abuse— but this could put others in danger with their families or cause other complications (i.e., any situation where you might not want the police brought into your home, for instance, if one of your family members is undocumented). Keep in mind that your teacher or guidance counselor might be legally required to call the police if they feel you’re in danger, and in some cases, the police coming into a person’s home isn’t a good thing.

PLAN OF ATTACK:

When you’re alone: Talk out loud. Just start. I know it feels kind of awful at first, but try and suspend your feelings— with practice, you can become your own best friend this way. I do this all the time and honestly find it the most effective means of getting away from major anxiety. The act of speaking your problems instead of stewing over them in your head can give you some cognitive distance from what’s bothering you. When you spill what’s on your mind in a space where no one is around to hear, it can lead to major realizations. It’s like having a friend who gives great advice, but they’re right there inside you, available all the time with a little bit of honesty and hard work.

With a friend or small group: The only thing harder than opening up is figuring out who you can trust. If I have a friend whom I love dearly but who makes sure to tell me everyone else’s gossip, maybe that friend isn’t quite the right confidante when I’m already feeling unstable. If a friend meets my problems with a smile and a, “Have you tried, you know, not being depressed?” then I note it and avoid that person in the future when I find myself feeling down. The kind of friend you’re looking for is someone who will sit and listen, then ask the right questions—what have you tried so far, what do you need, and how can I help? I’ve found great relief through turning to friends who are compassionate, good listeners with strong problem-solving skills.

In a public space: When you’re anxious or dissociating, other people can help bring you back down. If you need to talk and you’re surrounded by strangers, now’s the time to text a close friend. If I’m out in public and start to feel weird or lonely, I’ll sometimes strike up a conversation with a stranger, asking a librarian for book recommendations or complimenting an older lady on her shoes could result in great advice or a new friend. If this is an emergency and you aren’t up for face-to-face contact with a person, but you still want to talk and know someone’s listening, get to a quiet area and call one of the many wonderful helplines designed to support people experiencing unpleasant feelings. The NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) crisis hotline can be reached at 1-800-273-TALK.

METHOD: Getting Inspired

lt can help majorly to take advice from those who came before me. After all, a map can save your life when you get lost in the wilderness (and a neon layout at a kiosk can help you find the soft pretzel place when you’re confused in the mall—a different kind of salvation, but a very valuable one). Look for comic books, film, television, music, biographies, novels, and poetry collections to find admirable people who might be going through something similar. Once you lock down a role model, you can revisit their work over and over again in times of trouble to find answers, guidance, or comfort.

PLAN OF ATTACK:

When you’re alone: Search online for people in fields that interest you who might be able to serve as guides. Navigating the abyss of the internet might be less daunting if you start with an interview with someone you already admire and then look up their role models and influences, or check out the recommendations of a blog you follow. Once you find a person who resonates with you, ask yourself, WW__D? For me, that’s often the poet Frank O’Hara, who was as scatterbrained and overexcited about stuff as I am. His poem “My Heart” always makes me feel better when I’m anxious, because it reminds me that even the worst garbage feelings are temporary (also because he says “all to the good,” which reminds me of this song, a throwback self-esteem anthem that always makes me want to dance!):

I’m not going to cry all the time
nor shall I laugh all the time,
I don’t prefer one “strain” to another.
I’d have the immediacy of a bad movie,
not just a sleeper, but also the big,
overproduced first-run kind. I want to be
at least as alive as the vulgar. And if
some aficionado of my mess says “That’s
not like Frank!”, all to the good! I
don’t wear brown and grey suits all the time,
do I? No. I wear workshirts to the opera,
often. I want my feet to be bare,
I want my face to be shaven, and my heart–
you can’t plan on the heart, but
the better part of it, my poetry, is open.

With a friend or small group: Explore the resources available in your immediate friend group. It’s an amazing feeling to be inspired by your community. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help if they seem to have it together in areas where you don’t. If you’ve got a good friend who totally crushes it at homework and scheduling, and all your assignments are late, grill her for secrets. Maybe she’d be happy to help you develop and instate an organizational plan. You’ll never know until you ask.

In a public space: Remember, the world, albeit anxiety-inducing and horrible in so many ways, is also beautiful and magical and wonderful—like Frank O’Hara and Miss Jade say, it’s all to the good. Breathe and look around. The high school classroom that seems like a prison cell is a fine example of Brutalist architecture, your shrieking little brother who drives you nuts is a fine example of the existence of alien life on this miraculous planet, your assignment to read an entire book in one week is a chance to open your eyes to the work of Edith Wharton. Honestly, writing and editing this very article felt really stressful until I looked outside myself and realized that I’m one part of a giant cosmic web of people who are all dealing with the same BS, and that by writing this, maybe I’ll make some new friends! One could file this under “fake it ’til you make it,” but you’ve gotta focus on the “making it” part. You really can’t force yourself to be happy, but you can distract yourself with the tiny, beautiful parts of the world that might help you remember why it’s worth it to remain part of it. ♦