Britney

I feel like I spend all of my time talking about my overwhelming sadness or how in love I am, and that scares me. It makes me feel less whole, like those are the only two parts of me. Whenever I sit down to write about my week, they are the only two topics that come to mind. It feels really unhealthy.

I’ve been trying to make myself more independent of this situation—to get back into having other interests and finding motivation to actually live again and to write more and to go places. I am sick of packing up the things in my apartment. I am sick of feeling immense heaviness, and of having to lean on my feelings for someone else in order to feel like life isn’t horrible. It’s exactly what I’ve never wanted to become, and I often think about the fact that I’ve given in to this role so easily with great unease. I’m in limbo when it comes to trusting myself, and I need to fix that as soon as possible. I just need to figure out where to start. ♦