Rookie » Editor's Letter

Editor’s Letter

January 2015: Dedication

Tavi Gevinson 01/01/2015

Rookie is no longer publishing new content, but we hope you'll continue to enjoy the archives, or books, and the community you've helped to create. Thank you for seven very special years! ✴

Rookie is an online magazine and book series for teenagers. Each month, a different editorial theme drives the writing, photography, and artwork that we publish. Learn more about us here, and find out how to submit your work here!

Anna Paquin as Lisa in Margaret.

Happy New Year, Rookies! We embark on 2015 with the theme DEDICATION. Lately I’ve been feeling basically nihilistic/depressed/hopeless about the way our world works, and not knowing what to do about it, and wanting to crawl into a hole/die. But I am reminded of something a friend said to me when I told her about this hopelessness: “If you can’t find a guiding light, you have to go out and be the light.” But how do you be the light? How can you use these feelings to be productive for the issues that you care about? It’s easy to be idealistic when you’re young and don’t fully have to care for yourself just yet—what happens when the world shows you what is actually up? From a classroom scene in the movie Margaret:

KIRSTEN
I think that teenagers should definitely rule the world, because teenagers aren’t corrupted by adult life yet, and they’re idealists and they care. And I know a lot of people feel that teenagers are really naïve, which they are, many of them. But they still haven’t had a chance to get burned out by the disappointments and the harsh realities of learning how to play the game. So yes, I would vote yes.

KLEIN
All right: Lisa?

LISA
I would tend to agree with all of that, except I do think that teenagers don’t always necessarily think things through very carefully, and they don’t have enough experience to know what the right thing to do is all the time. I also think they tend to adhere to ideologies really easily without having actually bothered to think them through for themselves.

This month is about that tug-o-war. (And if you choose to watch Margaret, AVOID the theatrical cut—the extended one is much more itself and deeply satisfying.) Margaret centers on a 17-year-old girl named Lisa Cohen who lives in New York City in 2002. She distracts a bus driver by asking where he got his hat as he’s driving. The interaction is a little flirtatious on both ends and he runs a red light and hits a pedestrian. Lisa becomes close to the best friend of the woman who is killed by the bus and involves herself in the resulting lawsuit to get the bus driver fired, perhaps to assuage some of her own guilt. This tragedy coincides with her milestone realization that the world is big/absurd/unjust, a feeling the movie creates in lots of lovely, unexpected ways—long, sweeping shots of rows of New York buildings, of Lisa disappearing into crowds of people; a handful of scenes where the dialogue exchanged between main characters is drowned out by the conversations of the strangers around them. From an argument Lisa has with her mother:

LISA
—and you want to know something else, Mom? There are more important problems in the world than our relationship! There’s a whole city out there full of people who are dying! So who cares if I like your fucking boyfriend? It’s so trivial! Why are you bothering me about all this? It doesn’t matter!!!

THIS WAS ALL TOO FAMILIAR FOR ME. Junior year of high school, I got really depressed trying to justify living a creative life and also seeing all the ways in which Rookie had to be better, but it manifested as a lack of self-care and being an asshole person to my loved ones because NONE OF IT MATTERS, THE WORLD IS SO FUCKED UP, I COULD SIMPLY FIX EVERYTHING IF YOU COULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, MOM!!! The problem then is that the human element of what you are doing is lost, and without that, you have nothing. You want to help humanity, but you have become less human; everything is an equation, a scale, a checklist. If you’re not taking care of yourself and your loved ones then you are not in a position to help anyone else, and all action comes from a place of anger/insecurity/paranoia/fear.

Also, sometimes obsessing over establishing your Moral Compass manifests as appropriating tragedies and injustices that have nothing to do with you except for your own brain aerobics. Here’s another scene from Margaret (Emily is the best friend of the woman who was killed):

LISA (CONT’D)
But then when I found out her daughter was dead, ever since then I keep having this really strong feeling that some way, for those last five minutes, I kind of was her daughter. You know? Like maybe that’s the reason I was there: Like in some weird way, this obviously amazing woman got to see her daughter again for a few minutes, right before she died.

EMILY
(very dry)
I see. And is she still inhabiting your body? Or did she go right back to the spirit world after it was over?

LISA
I didn’t mean she was literally inhabiting my body. I don’t believe in all that stuff at all.

EMILY
I don’t give a fuck what you believe in.

LISA
Oh my god! Why are you so mad at me!?

EMILY
Because this is not an opera!

LISA
(flushing)
What? You think I think this is an opera?

EMILY
Yes!

LISA
You think I’m making this into a dramatic situation because I think it’s dramatic?!?

EMILY
I think you’re very young.

LISA
What does that have to do with anything? If anything I think it means I care more than someone who’s older! Because this kind of thing has never happened to me before!

EMILY
No, it means you care more easily! There’s a big difference! Except that it’s not you it’s happening to!

LISA
Yes it is! I know I’m not the one who was run over—

EMILY
That’s right, you weren’t. And you’re not the one who died of leukemia, and you’re not the one who died in an earthquake in—Algeria! But you will be. Do you understand me? You will be. And it’s not an opera and it’s not dramatic—

LISA
I’m well aware of that!

EMILY
And this first-blush phony deepness of yours is worth nothing.

LISA
Oh wow.

EMILY
Do you understand? It’s not worth anything, because it’ll be troweled over in a month or two. And then when you get older, and you don’t have a big reaction every time a dog gets run over, then, then we’ll find out what kind of a person you are! But this is nothing! I’m sorry, but I didn’t start this conversation and I don’t play these games.

LISA
(drawing herself up)
I am not—

EMILY
And don’t look so outraged! Because I’m not saying anything very outrageous! I’m telling you to knock it off! You have every right to falsify your own life, but you have no right to falsify anyone else’s. It’s what makes people into Nazis! And I’m sorry, but it’s a little suspicious that you’re making such a fuss about this when you didn’t know her, and you’re having troubles with your own mother—

LISA
Oh my god!

EMILY
But this is my life we’re talking about, much more than it is yours! Because it’s my real friend who got killed, who I’m never going to see again, really! Whom I have known since I was 19 years old myself. OK? And I don’t want that sucked into some kind of adolescent self-dramatization!

LISA
I’m not fucking dramatizing anything!

EMILY
(not having it)
OK—

LISA
(bursts into tears)
Why are you doing this…!

EMILY
Lisa, I’m not doing anything! I’m a human being! Monica was a human being! So was her daughter! And so is your mother! We are not supporting characters in the fascinating story of your life!

Which is why, I think, the movie is not called Lisa. This is a poem she reads in class, by Gerard Manley Hopkins:

Márgarét, áre you gríeving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leáves like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! ás the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you wíll weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sórrow’s spríngs áre the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It ís the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

Tony Kushner’s interpretation (from the intro to the published screenplay):

Although the poem opens with a question and ends with an answer, the last couplet seems at odds with itself: Is Margaret mourning for a shared human condition, “the blight that man was born for,” or for herself, specific and alone, as the final line rather abruptly states? When he declares that “it is Margaret you mourn for,” is Hopkins accusing this young child of solipsism? The same sort of solipsism Lisa is accused of by Emily? […] Are Margaret and Lisa exploiting something grand and sad but unrelated to them, for the purpose of borrowing significance to help them experience sorrow, or to help them advertise the importance of their own unhappiness?

I think I’m depressed about the world being horrible and unjust, but I’m also just depressed. Everyone’s feelings are valid, yes. But how can we actually be useful to these causes instead of using them for ourselves?

Thus far, I’ve spoken only to the position of having the option to turn the other cheek to these issues because they don’t affect you directly. When you’re on the receiving end of injustice and are not a bystander, how do you fight it without being consumed by hate? How do you fight from a place of love? I am reminded of Jessica’s piece from a couple years ago on her bell hooks revelation: of no longer “waiting for men to die so that [she] could live,” of no longer wanting to hate women for not doing feminism her way. Of Jenny’s piece from a couple years back on using humor to deal with racism. And then there’s James Baldwin’s “Notes of a Native Son.”

I feel like I conclude everything with, “It’s a conversation!” and, “I guess I have more questions than answers!” but that is actually crucial this month: I don’t think it does any good to prescribe the right way to feel and act and respond to the world’s injustices. But how do you channel your energy effectively and productively? How do you avoid imposing your worldview? How do you dignify your own feelings without valuing them over others’? There are other kinds of dedication we’ll be discussing this month, too: long-term or long-distance relationships, intense friendships, dedicating yourself to art or academics or any other sort of passion. So that is what we’re onto for January, and if you have thoughts and/or feelings of your own, please share, as always: [email protected].

EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE but also we have brains and hearts and autonomy and can do things about it. So, let’s.

Happy 2015, really.

Love,
Tavi

27 Comments

rachelturtlebaum January 1st, 2015 3:23 PM
Loved this last line of the letter. Been feeling a bit depressed myself and the last line really spoke to me. Happy 2015 everyone!
lyndsey January 1st, 2015 4:13 PM
thank you. my feelings exactly ^^^^
at 24 i feel like i’m in the process of learning a big dark secret of adulthood, which is that everyone is just as confused about the world as everyone else is. things are really fucked up and there are no answers and what are we all even doing etc etc.

we are also in an era of disillusionment toward heroes and idols, i think. which is probably ultimately healthy but not necessarily helpful when trying to feel some sense of hope and encouragement.

i’ve always thought of myself as an optimistic creative person with a magical view on life but lately i’ve felt so hopeless about the world. i’m hoping it’s a phase, rather than my initiation into the greyness of an adulthood that will turn me into some kind of sad minion forever.
Pierogisurf January 1st, 2015 4:38 PM
This is exactly what I’ve been feeling the past few months and have been unable to figure out how to express it. These feelings come with so much anger and uncertainty and frustration because you want to be good and perpetuate goodness but you can’t figure out how to do that without running into some loophole that makes “good doing” a self-serving thing that’s unrelated to whatever the actual subject is, and then you realize you’ve actually done nothing good, and then you feel kind of dumb for realizing you did it for yourself, and frustrated that nothing has been solved.

I’m reminded of the tale of Sisyphus, where he is forced to find the joy in pushing the rock up the mountain to have it roll back down, and his fate is to repeat it forever., so maybe that’s the resolution? To keep trying to do good and find the groove in that, to be patient and steady and zen in the way where you have to like, let whatever happens happen and trust you’re doing the best you can?
hummingbyrd January 1st, 2015 5:11 PM
I’m pretty excited and slightly scared about this month’s theme, especially considering my inability to dedicate myself to anything in life. Also, I guess nihilism isn’t comforting for everybody – the absence of meaning gives me a feeling of freedom, you can’t “fail” at life if nothing really matters.
HelenRubyPearlRose January 1st, 2015 5:32 PM
It kinda brings in the concept of growing up being a bad thing, some of my friends hold the belief that you are born kind and lovely and happy and from your environment you become unhappy because of all the bad in the world and its kinda like a continuation of the corruption of a pure spirit.
Its also nice to think like this when your parents are annoying you
‘I’m more pure of spirit than you mum’
ninagp January 1st, 2015 5:45 PM
I don’t know what to say, so ill just say, Tavi always knows what to say.
sophbloger16 January 1st, 2015 6:30 PM
I’m excited to see what my first full month reading Rookie has in store for me! Dedication is a great theme for the new year, especially with all of the resolutions floating around. I’d stopped making resolutions because I’d been getting tired of breaking them and being disappointed. Now this article has not only encouraged me to make a resolution, but to make a resolution for something that I care about, but not having it be about me. And I’ve got to stick with it.
Sometimes I feel like if our parents’ generation had something like this to guide them through the trenches of adolescence, then maybe the world wouldn’t be as effed up as it is now. At the same time, we don’t want copy cats. Our generation has got to be us.
Majel January 1st, 2015 6:47 PM
What really helped me with this sort of feeling was this amazing song by the German band “Wir sind Helden”, it is called ” Hände hoch”.
It means “Hands up” and is about surrendering. The song took a great weight off me.

To me it says that when you realize what kind of world we live in, don’t struggle or fight endlessly or carry it around with you too much, but use the pain you feel and just to do the best you can. Do what you can, but also surrender to this world because it is the way it is and a single person doesn’t have to accomplish everything.
Kubz January 1st, 2015 7:40 PM
This theme has (as usual) come when I need it to, both on a personal level and looking through the lens of my life out onto the world. Maybe by the end of this month we’ll have a few more answers.
teenagefanclub January 1st, 2015 8:38 PM
totally overjoyed that you referenced margaret in your editor’s letter; it’s such an exquisite film. my favorite thing about margaret is how it depicts and pays attention to lives outside of lives (if that makes sense; i’m basically referring to lonergan’s attention to background characters’ lives, especially the scene where darren/lisa are in the diner and lonergan chooses to drown their conversation out and replace it with the conversation happening between the old women behind them, and the conceptual shots of characters through dimly lit windows). it makes you really think about your significance and how small your problems are compared to an overall picture.

ateenagefanclub.blogspot.com
Mer January 1st, 2015 11:56 PM
Tavi,
This makes me think of connection which goes hand in hand with dedication. But I’m talking about the human connection – something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently since the Rookie meet up in BK in November. I met you and told you how much your May Editor’s Letter to me. I told you that I was also going through a break up and what you said really helped me get through that. You started crying and in that moment it hit me that that’s what Rookie is – that’s what the world is about. Coming to college in a new and big city has made me realize that connection is key to being human and to being happy. At this moment, I feel lost and depressed. I fee like I’ve lost this sense of connection to the world and to others. But this editor’s letter has really helped me realize how by dedicating myself to my passions and to helping people I will feel not only more connected to others but connected to myself and to the creative world.
Wenryrose January 2nd, 2015 12:26 AM
I’m really excited for the coming year and for this theme at rookie! :)

This letter really resonated deeply with me. I’ve been going through a bit of an existential crisis thingy through this winter break, and this theme could not have come at a better time for me. The adults surrounding me all seem to have resigned themselves to a life that they would rather not be living, because, “That’s just the way the world works, there’s nothing to be done about it,”. The only grown person I know who seems to be really happy is the one who hasn’t lost their sense of wonder. I’m really idealistic, whether it’s due to my age or personality, and I consider this to be one of my greatest strengths. I hope I never “grow up” in the sense of losing that part of myself.
Genevieve January 2nd, 2015 11:21 AM
Thank you so much for this, I have been feeling the same way about the world and this letter helped open my eyes again and remind myself that I should remain aware of how I can improve my view on the world. I hope the next month of writing and discussion helps all of us Rookie readers and contributors to find our way through our crises and confusion about our place/impact in this world.
queensb January 2nd, 2015 11:41 AM
This explains my feelings perfectly. This peace speaks quite deeply to me. I’m feeling quite empowered at the moment by this letter and I’m thankful I came across it this morning. I’m always being told that my beliefs are silly, “teenagery”, and too right wing. I like to think my feelings and beliefs on social justice / feminism / etc. are valid and educated. It’s so hard to prove your point these days without getting mad at the person who doesn’t agree with you and you’re automatically shut down because you’re immediately labeled ‘immature’ for growing frustrated at other’s stubbornness when you’re trying to explain why something is wrong. I hope this year is all about change.

Great letter. Thank you
dulcie January 2nd, 2015 1:30 PM
This Editor’s Letter was exactly what I needed to hear at this moment. Sometimes indulging in sadness can be ironically self-gratifying and seems like the easiest route to take because it requires little else than passiveness. But growth requires constant change, to be constantly doing something. This can mean consciously spending all day mourning over loss in your bed or it can mean writing a novel. I think that the important thing is that regardless of what you’re doing, you embrace the fact that you are doing it and you acknowledge how that feels, as well as (most importantly) how it affects others and the world at large. Young people have so much pressure on them to be the grandest because through technology and widespread media we see the highlight reels of everyone’s lives and hold ourselves up to that standard, which can be immensely discouraging and even encourage someone to give up on trying to improve life. At the same time, we are able to view everything that’s wrong with the world and determine that we will never be able to better the human condition because humanity and humankind(ness) is already too far gone. But this means that we’re placing the entire situation on our own shoulders, which is in its own way committing solipsism. Argh how can you remain soft and sensitive to the world without exploiting others’ problems to heighten your own supposed tenderness? Like Mer said, maybe connection is the key. Getting out of the comfort of your own headspace and moving towards bonding and forming relationships with others instead of over-analyzing everything.
mangointhesky January 2nd, 2015 4:05 PM
I love this letter (and I really have to watch the movie!). The scene in Margaret about why Lisa and Kirsten believe that teenagers should rule the world is just too wonderful for words. Also, at the end of the letter; Emily: “We are not supporting characters in the fascinating story of your life!” It’s funny, because I think that about some other people I meet and talk to, even though I’m sure that I also sometimes inadvertently think of only myself (actually, I know I do!). Anyways, have an amazing 2015!
devinmackenzie January 2nd, 2015 4:33 PM
Tavi,
I loved this article and it really spoke to me so much. I am currently a junior in high school and I too have been trying to find a way to convince myself that pursuing an artistic lifestyle is foolish and not worth while, although I know it is the only way that I will feel truly happy and fulfilled. After seeing you in This Is Our Youth, I was able to see the possibilities that pursuing a theatre career might hold for me. Keep up the good work. (You’re so tiny and adorable in reality, btw)
-D
Bella January 2nd, 2015 6:56 PM
I feel like I have to get over myself and start contributing to the world. There is always to me a grey area between taking care of yourself and taking care of others, but now I don’t think they are two separate entities. I just feel so many questions these days that all just contradict each other leaving me with a big question mark.
enthusiastictruckdriver January 2nd, 2015 7:44 PM
“Generations are defined by the projects they take on together” – Zadie Smith in her commencement speech at The New School/something I’ve been thinking about a lot. Sometimes I feel like I’m just living day to day and I don’t take the time to take a step back and realize what issues we as a generation are dealing with, but then sometimes I do and I get SO OVERWHELMED with this sense of responsibility to FIX EVERYTHING or at least to stand in solidarity with other members of my generation who try to fix stuff, and then I feel guilty for playing stupid games on my phone when I could be one of the revolutionary young people shaping this generation.

Zadie Smith talks about solipsism in the speech too, but she talks about working together and connecting to other people as an antidote to solipsism. That kind of “Leave me alone so I can fix the world, MOM!” attitude is familiar to me, too, but I also feel like that in itself is a form of solipsism if it comes from a place of self-justification/guilt/a sense of duty to change the world all by yourself. I don’t know. I think self-care and, like, THE INDIVIDUAL are connected to the caring for the world/society in a way I haven’t fully understood yet–maybe it is better to care for oneself first, to allow oneself to admit that, yeah, this is about me, because it makes it easier to see other people and other events with clarity, without subconsciously twisting them into one’s own narrative.
millennialrunoff January 3rd, 2015 12:01 AM
This theme gets me and, incredibly, the dialogue laid out upfront is a thought-battle I had with myself this morning. I was just ranting in my journal as I do every morning, and all of a sudden was overcome with this feeling of being too idealistic. I saw “Boyhood” yesterday, and decided Mason’s cynicism was sexy, and just thought, damn… I should be critical of the world. But then realized that just wasn’t me, but that I should try to find the balance between being optimistic and being naive.

I’m excited!
Haleyhaley2w January 3rd, 2015 5:51 AM
This theme really resonates with me. I have recently been feeling very depressed about the world and not only that but depressed over how trivial my problems are compared to world’s problems. This is the reason I justify being angry at my friends for obsessing over a simple and ultimately unimportant problem. Until I realize that all of my problems are unimportant if they are held up in comparison to the world’s real problems. But reading your letter alone has helped me realize that this pessimism towards my family and friends isn’t going to get me anywhere. I want to make a difference instead of just sitting around and being depressed and complaining. But then again that’s easier said than done. Anyways, thanks again Tavi for another meaningful and thought-provoking letter. Happy 2015!!

-Haley
diyana January 4th, 2015 6:17 PM
Oh wow, Margaret seems like such a good movie. I could practically hear the anger and frustration in Lisa and Emily’s exchange. Being a teenager is so weird because a lot of the time you /know/ that the way you’re acting/feeling is irrational or the result of hormones or whatever, but that doesn’t stop it from feeling like your situation is EVERYTHING and all that matters in that moment is what you’re feeling, and you can’t imagine ever feeling differently.
It’s interesting that Kushner interprets Hopkins’s poem explores the idea of Margaret being solipsistic. You could also look at it from a similar altruism vs. egoism perspective; does Margaret want to ease “the blight that man was born for” for a selfless cause or only to soothe her own conscience? Ultimately, every altruistic action we take can be linked back to selfish motivation. This is not necessarily a bad thing; selfishness has a stigma for being associated with heartlessness when the paradoxical reality is that it can cause you to do good for others.
As usual, this month’s theme is so relevant to my life. I’ve entered the last month of the first semester of my last year of high school (whew) and I’ve got an insane amount of things to do. Perseverance will be absolutely crucial if I am to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself (not New Years Resolutions, lol) and I wish you all the best with your endeavors as well!
Lots of love, Rookies!!
annesea January 5th, 2015 12:21 AM
it’s crazy how your themes are always right on time
Plantimal January 9th, 2015 4:19 AM
Tavi, queen of words.
dragonfly January 9th, 2015 6:16 AM
Ahhhhhhh yes I relate. I’ve been feeling sad and like EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE lately too
Emily January 10th, 2015 2:26 AM
Oh my gosh, this letter is amazing. Tavi, I don’t know if you’ll see this but I’m pretty sure we are the same person. I’ve read a bunch of interviews and all of your letters and articles and it seems like we have really similar personalities. I was a really precocious child who has pretty much behaved like an adult her whole life (really mature, independent, educated, etc.) to the point where it has intimidated other adults in my life (I’m that girl). I’m also extremely self reflective, I journal everything and teachers, parents, friends and peers have told me I’m the most self-aware person they know. I’m still struggling to find my place in the world and everything that’s going on in the world has made me rather cynical and angst-y but I try not to let it affect me too much. I’m overwhelmed by the amount of culture and it upsets me that there’s a chance that I’ll never get to experience/read/see/hear/watch/listen to everything (this whole comment makes me sound really pretentious). I’m also moving to a big city (Boston, hopefully) in September after I graduate high school which I’m really excited about. Basically I just wanted to say that I’m thankful for Tavi and all of the Rookie staff for making me realize that there are people out in the world who are just like me, I just have to look for them.
<3
LuxOrBust January 19th, 2015 11:37 AM
I really appreciate Tavi’s honesty in her editorial letters. She gives so much valuable insight that echoes my own mind and soul. Thank you for being honest about existing as a struggling human being, while you’re in a public forum.
What I’ve found in life: we’re all struggling, everything is transitory, there will always be injustice, and living as your own personal golden light of hope has been the only answer I’ve found. Not to mean you must turn your back on the wrongness of modern existence, but that you must find your own balance and do what you can to spread goodness.

Editor’s Letter

About Rookie

More from Everything else

More to See

Next Article