Nog Nog Noggin’ on Heaven’s Door


Heat up a cup of Califia Farms Almond Milk Eggnog* in a small saucepan. Whisk in a packet of hot chocolate mix (a packet equals about four tablespoons of mix) until the liquid is frothy. Pour in a mug and allow mind to be blown.

I cannot believe I am sharing this recipe with the public. Please, people, approach it with caution, because it’s richer and more delicious than anything you could buy with cash-money…this is the chinchilla coat of hot beverages. HOT CHOCOLATE and EGGNOG, together as one. It’s groundbreaking stuff, man. I mean, this bev comes with an FDA** warning to take one TUMS and five deep breaths to center yourself before you try it. Otherwise, you might pass out. This is what I would be drinking if I died and went to heaven, it was cold up there, and I was like, “Yo, anyone have some dairy-free eggnog? I do this really delicious thing, with hot chocolate mix…” and another angel spirit had hot chocolate mix, and we became friends and bonded over our mugs of chocolate nog. So yeah, it’s good.

*Califia Farms Almond Milk Eggnog is, swear to nog, a miracle nectar. Light, surprisingly creamy, and dairy-free, it’s far less rich than eggnog, and less gross to be honest, because there aren’t raw eggs in it! I’ve found it at Whole Foods or co-op type grocery stores. If you really, really can’t find it, I suggest using a light eggnog in its place. You could go balls-to-the-wall and try regular eggnog, but it would make for a pretty heavy experience.

**Fucking Delicious Advisory