Ananda

I often find myself having some version of the following conversation:

Someone: So, Ananda, tell me: What religion are you?

Me: I don’t have a religion.

S: [Incredulous] You don’t have a religion?

M: Err…no.

S: But surely you must have some kind of religion…?

M: I don’t!

S: What about your parents? They seem like good people—what’s their religion?

M: They don’t have a religion either!

S: But you believe in God, don’t you?

M: I don’t know!

S: [Appalled] How can you not know if you believe in God? Either you do, or you don’t!

M: [Starting to get a bit ticked off] My parents say I should choose my own beliefs.

S: A child should choose their own beliefs? [Laughs hysterically]

M: What’s wrong with that?

S: Oh dear. I thought your parents would be smart, sensible people!

M: [Officially ticked off] They are smart and sensible!!!!!

S: Sure, dear. Whatever you say.

M: [Leaps onto a nearby table, cartwheels Someone’s head clean off.]

Most of that is exactly how it usually goes with people who are keen to judge others on matters of religion, race, family affiliation, nationality, etc., though the last bit might have veered slightly into fantasy. Just my attempt to be funny while addressing A Serious Matter: bullying.

No, sorry, I mean racism.

No. Religionism.

(I know what you’re thinking: That’s not even a word. Well, it is now!) ♦