You said you met Carri at a concert, but you were so shy back then—do you remember how you started talking?

It’s really weird! I was there alone, and she was standing next to me, talking to her friend about how to make your pussy taste good. [Laughs] I knew how, so I spoke up: “Don’t eat asparagus, don’t eat too much red meat, and drink pineapple juice.” I just came out with it! And I remember her being like, “Whoa!” She started pissing herself laughing, and that’s how we started talking.

What concert was it?

I think it was Kanye West!

I’m curious about the tomboy style you mentioned earlier. What was your choice to wear menswear about?

I am very petite, and my build is very athletic, from dancing and running. In the ’90s, you had to be this size zero to be considered beautiful, then in 2010 it was like “real women have curves,” but I wasn’t like that, so I basically rebelled by wearing only Uniqlo menswear or, if I was going out, a suit jacket from a charity shop. I felt really awkward about myself and about my body, so I just had to have everything really covered all the time. My body basically hasn’t changed since I was 16 years old, everything is basically the same.

I just did this video for “Pendulum,” and I full-on look like an adult! I’m like, When did that happen? I don’t even know! I only figured out in the past year that I’m not skinny, and I’m not curvy, I’m just really strong. That is me, and that’s really beautiful as well. People don’t really talk about athletic women. It’s a whole segment of women who are completely missed out.

You know my music video “Hide“? That is me, too, and nobody really knew that was me. I made it when I was 23, and that was the moment when I thought, Well, if I’m basically naked in my first music video, then I just can’t really feel insecure. Does that make sense? “Hide” is objectifying of women, because that’s how I was feeling at the time. It’s about breaking up with somebody and feeling like shit about yourself, so I thought it would be really brave to be naked but not have a head! Because as soon as you have a face and you smize into the camera, it becomes really sexy, and I didn’t want it to be sexy. I wanted it to be awkward. I really thought people were going to say horrible things, but they never did.

Something else I’ve learned, though, is that you can’t please everybody. Not everyone is gonna find you attractive! I’m not the most beautiful girl in the world—I’m just not, and I’m never gonna be, and I don’t even know how to help you with that! I’m small, and my eyes are too far apart, and I’ve got two weird front teeth. When I first came to America, my then-manager was like, “We’ll have to get your teeth fixed.” I saved up all my money to get these veneers, and I had all the initial work done—they have to do all this work on your gums—and then I was like, Oh my god, what the fuck am I doing? This is an awful, terrible idea! So I paid for like half the treatment but never got the veneers done. I wasted about £900 [about $1,450].

I am very glad that you did not do that!

It would not be me! You just have to be yourself. It’s really not that hard! You just need to stop going on Instagram so much, because that shit is not real. I do not look like that in real life! It’s a professional photographer and Photoshop!

Is that why a good amount of your artwork, like the “Water Me” video, is sort of exaggerated and blown-out?

Yes. I want everyone to know it’s not real. But even on my Instagram, people will say “Oh my god, ILY Twigs, you’re so perfect, I wish I could be you.” I tell them that I’m not perfect, it’s not true. I hate the way young girls think sometimes, it’s so depressing. They’ll write, “Why can’t I look like FKA Twigs?” I’m just like, no, you don’t understand—I cried in the mirror as a teenager.

Another thing I want to talk to you about is this idea of learning. Basically, you have to keep on learning—it will distract you from all the bullshit that we’re talking about. Two years ago, I couldn’t produce [music]; I learned how to do it in literally two years. I found it really difficult to program when I started, then I had this leap of confidence to actually get in front of the computer and learn how to do it. It was a massive challenge, because I am not a very logical person at all. It’s about facing your fears. If you do that, you realize that you can actually do anything you want to do! It’s been the most liberating experience.

Last week, I bumped into a very famous music artist. She started talking to me about her nails and her hair extensions, and how getting this stuff done makes her feel like a woman, and she has to have so much money to get this stuff done because she’s a woman and that’s what being a woman is. I thought to myself, That’s very interesting, because what makes me a woman is when I know I’ve produced a song myself—when I’ve found an artist to work with, given him a beat to work on and told him what I wanted, and he’s given it back to me and it’s what I’d envisioned as a producer. Or when I’ve made a video and released it into the world. That’s what makes me feel like a woman. Like, fuck anything else—fuck how tall I am or how long my hair is! This is the absolute epitome of what makes me feel like an adult, and like I’m handling my business. I’ve sat in front of my computer at three o’clock in the morning and I’ve made something myself that I had to learn how to do that was very difficult. When you find something easy, that’s a talent, but when you find something difficult, that’s when you get to really work and push and challenge yourself. I’m not saying that [that artist’s] image is invalid, because that might be where she gets her power from. Everyone is different. But for me, there’s something about learning that makes me feel the most adult I’ve ever felt.

I’m so happy as well, because I’m not crying about stupid shit! I’m busy, I’m doing things, and it’s an amazing feeling. If someone’s stupid or someone’s mean, I’m just like, OK, love and light, go what you need to do, I’m busy! It feels amazing to be this way. ♦