Ananda

One of the most common fears out there is the fear of growing up. Or, if you’re already grown up, you fear change. Of course, all of this just leads to a fear of death and also spiders, because, honestly, who likes spiders? I don’t know what you’re scared of, but I know my biggest fear, because I’ve been living with it for a long time now: I am deathly afraid of the day when I will have to leave my parents’ home and go out and function and live in the real world.

In a way, this is silly of me, because I am very lucky. I know that when I strike out on my own, I will have the support of my family and my friends. And yet. The thought of having to live and work without that support system surrounding me at all times is kind of terrifying.

Buried inside that fear is another one: the fear of failing. No one wants to fail, after all. I didn’t want to fail my GCSEs or my A-levels, and I don’t want to fail at life and all the difficulties that come with it. I don’t want to fail at being a responsible grownup and I don’t want to fail at whatever career path I decide to take.

For years I wanted to be a writer—a novelist. Someone who sells a ridiculous number of books and makes a ridiculous amount of money. Now that I’m 16 years old and struggling to manage just plain old everyday life, that goal seems so farfetched. I’m not a seven-year-old little girl anymore. It’s time to think about what’s actually achievable instead of focusing on dreams.

I think being scared of growing up, and of change, is probably pretty normal. I suspect that everyone worries about lies in store for them in the future, and everyone somehow gets through it, probably over and over for the rest of our lives. ♦