Here are some specific examples of workplace harassment, many of which came from friends’ IRL experiences:

• Someone continually insisting on driving you home after work after you’ve said no. A friend of a Rookie writer babysat the children of a single dad who would always try to give her a ride home on his motorcycle. This might not sound like it “counts,” but if you’re skeeved out by it, someone is most likely being inappropriate with you.
• Being pressured to hang out with a colleague outside of work in a way that makes you uncomfortable, especially after you’ve declined their invitations.
• A boss displaying sexual materials where you work, e.g., keeping porn magazines in the bathroom, or leaving NSFW pictures or videos on the computer you work on.
• A supervisor sending you Facebook messages about how much he likes your smile.
• Anyone offering to promote you in exchange for sexual favors.
• Aggressive attention, like giving you unwanted or expensive gifts.
• Anyone you work with propositioning you with sex directly or trying to get you to engage sexually with another person.
• Sexually explicit email, texts or messages.
• Someone making sexual jokes, rape jokes, and/or telling sexual stories on the job.
• Implicit or explicit sexual conversations, even under the guise of “a compliment,” that make you feel uncomfortable, including questions or comments about your sexual history, relationships, dating, body, appearance, weight, bra size, period, etc.
• Someone pressuring you to “flirt” back.
• Any sort of unwanted touching. It doesn’t have to be your boobs or your butt to count. It could be petting your hair or your arm, an unsolicited back rub, brushing against you. Of course, this can also be more overt, like forced kissing, or fondling.
• Name-calling or bullying that includes sexually explicit or gendered nicknames, like “fag” or “slut,” or, if you’re uncomfortable with it, “baby” or “sweetheart.”
• A co-worker spreading sexual or degrading rumors about you.
• Someone putting a pubic hair on your can of Coke (this was part of Anita Hill’s case against Clarence Thomas).
• Being penalized or threatened with being penalized (being passed over for promotion or hiring, loss of wages of shifts, being fired) for not accepting someone’s advances, or being told that accepting their advances is a condition of your employment.
• Someone appraising other people’s bodies or making sexual comments about co-workers or customers.
• Anyone not stopping any of these behaviors when you ask them to or tell them they are making you uncomfortable.

So, what if something like this is happening to you? If you feel safe doing so, tell the harasser to stop, and be specific about what it is that can’t continue. Then report it to someone who can do something: your supervisor, a trusted authority higher-up, a human-resources representative, the person that hired you, your parents, your principal or a trusted teacher, a therapist or guidance counselor, or the organization that set up your internship. If your safety becomes an issue, quit. If you are being threatened, call the police. (Sadly, I know cops aren’t always helpful or equipped to deal with harassment, but when they are, they can be indispensible. Here’s a list of sexual harassment laws by country.)

Keep a detailed record of the harassment. If possible, screenshot inappropriate Facebook chats and texts, save voicemails, and print out copies of emails—this is especially helpful if you do decide to tell the police. Put your as many of your complaints as possible in writing, in order to hold the person you reported it to accountable, and for your own records. Also keep records of every single interaction you have with a superior when you’re reporting these incidents. It may take all your bravery and resources and anger, but keep talking about it until you find someone who will do something about the situation and take action to protect you.

The place you work should have a clear outline of the grievance process (whom to file an official complaint with, how to do so, and what measures will be taken to resolve the problem). In the United States, it is illegal for someone to fire you, reduce your hours or shifts, or otherwise penalize you for complaining about harassment; other countries have policies of their own. If a co-worker is doing the harassing, the company you work for is liable for that person’s behavior, and it is the company’s responsibility to keep your work environment safe and friendly.

If you work for a company with more than 15 employees headquartered in the United States, you can also contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, a government agency. You have 180 days from when the incident takes place to file a complaint about it with the EEOC, which will attempt to settle the complaint with your employer, refer you and your employer to an outside mediator, file a lawsuit, or advise you on your right to file your own suit. They may also dismiss the charge if it doesn’t fall within their guidelines or governance.

I don’t want to mislead you: Many of the people I talked to about their experiences of sexual harassment said that their complaints fell on deaf ears. Some were urged to “work it out” with their harassers. Some didn’t have anyone to report to because it was their boss who was harassing them. Others stuck it out because they desperately needed the money or college credit, or just straight-up loved their jobs too much to risk making waves.

Recently, some victims of harassment have started anonymous Tumblrs to document and share their experiences—like a this Tumblr dedicated to women in philosophy departments. Finding solidarity with others can be especially healing.

Most of the people with whom I spoke, though, ended up quitting their jobs to escape the harassment. Sexual harassment can make you feel incredibly disheartened and disempowered (that’s what it did to me). Some people told me they felt like there was nothing that could be done, because no one would take their claims seriously, especially when there was no “proof” of the harassment. I can totally understand why they would want to leave those jobs.

You are not a weak person if you decide to quit rather than tolerate or fight sexual harassment, or if you don’t want to tell your parents that your shift manager keeps asking to see your underwear. There are times when I have fought people who have harassed me, and there are times when I have chosen to simply move on. When I have chosen to fight, it was usually in cases where the harasser in question acted like what they did was totally fine, and so did our superiors. Just because harassment is prevalent doesn’t mean for a second that we have to accept it, or that we shouldn’t try to hold harassers accountable for the awful things they’ve done.

If you choose to take action against your harasser in any sort of official or legal way, find support wherever you can—in a trusted friend or family member, a counselor at school or a therapist, and/or people who have been through the same thing (here’s a good resource if you don’t know where to find such people). It takes a lot of energy to go up against people who may not believe you. Build a network of people who do.

Also! Know that not all jobs will be like this. There are good bosses out there! There are also terrible ones, along with sexist and abusive co-workers. It isn’t your fault if you happen to encounter anyone from this latter group on the job. Sexual harassment is caused by jerks abusing their positions of authority, not by the person getting harassed.

Working for companies that didn’t make me feel respected or safe was shitty all around, but I managed to glean some good stuff from those experiences: They pushed me to become my own boss at the age of 19 (I haven’t looked back). They taught me to stand up for myself and to create my dream job on my own terms.

It’s not that working for myself insulate me from every sketchball in the world; but it put me in a position where I could just walk away, tell them off, or fire them, without fearing for my job. I knew that every time I shut a harasser down, I was sowing a seed of doubt that told them that they couldn’t get away with their behavior anymore. Not with me, and not with anyone else. ♦