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Issue 32: Lost and Found

Our Secret Public Journals

The deepest thoughts of our former selves, lifted from the pages of our old diaries and sketchbooks.

Maggie Thrash, Naomi Morris, Beth Hoeckel, Suzy Exposito, Lola Pellegrino, Marie Lodi, Julianne Escobedo Shepherd, Emma Straub, Minna Gilligan, Ragini Nag Rao, Caitlin Hazell and Stephanie Kuehnert 04/25/2014
  • Anyone who has kept a journal, diary, or sketchbook probably has felt that the worst thing that could possibly happen to that item is to be found—especially by the kind of person who would wave its top-secret pages around a place like, hmmm, the internet. We are about to be those people to our younger selves, but we think they will forgive us. First up, Maggie Thrash:

    This was written in 1995, when I was 10 years old. To this day, my journals are mostly about who I think is cool (or not), and other people’s drama. —Maggie

  • I wasn’t much of a diary keeper as a kid, but I did love to draw in my sketchbooks. My sister, brother, and I made up and drew a whole town that we called O’Bobbie, Iowa (population 63). We named all the people and made a map with the streets where they lived. It was so funny, but I can’t find it. This drawing, which I made when I was 10, is similar, though it’s basically an advertisement for Pizza Hut. —Beth

  • This diary page reveals that, as a college freshman, my main beef in life was with my future adult self. The myself who I am now. Yo, irresponsible Lauren, I agree that those Nick Cave lyrics are cool, but lay off. That lawyer shit is harsh. I don’t even exist yet! —Lola

  • This was from when I was 13 and incredibly boy-crazy. That year’s diary was filled with elaborate details of insignificant interactions with every boy I crushed on (mostly from afar). —Marie

  • In this entry, from September 2008, I talk about three boys on one page—I mean, calm down, Naomi. And that’s before I mention a dream about a “gorgeous boy.” I was mainly crushing on J., a guy two years above me at the boys’ school opposite my all-girls’ school, so I didn’t really have a chance. It’s funny because four years later, when I was 18 and able to go to the pub, I ran into J. one night. It ended the crush once and for all because he was a bit of a sleaze. It was disappointing—he wasn’t what I’d wished for when I was 14. —Naomi

  • I’m real angry with myself for throwing away earlier diaries, but this is an awful highlight from 2009, during my early teen years. Eughh, acne. —Caitlin H.

  • I’ve kept a diary since I was six years old, but my absolute best diary entries came from middle school. My writing was often accompanied by illustrations of fantasies or real in-class dramas. In eighth grade, I was one of the most boy-crazy people I knew, but I liked making fun of boys as much as I loved fawning over them. You can read the rest of my diaries from that time on Tumblr. —Suzy X.

  • This is the front page of my diary from 1990, when I was 10 years old. Harold James Whistlefrink is the name I gave the diary itself, because I was a weirdo. —Emma S.

  • I actually remember the guy I’m talking about in this entry. I had a crush on him. He was a year above me, and he was nice to me in a polite sort of way. Since boys mostly noticed me to laugh at me, that was enough for me to develop a crush on him. I got my friend who was in his class to ask him out for me. It didn’t go well, though he was kinder than anyone else at that time in his rejection. —Ragini

  • When I was a senior in high school, I took a journal-writing class. We were given composition books and supposed to write 60 pages to get an A. I filled a notebook and a half, and then kept going. For an assigned entry, the teacher asked us to write a letter to ourselves four years in the future (because we would maybe be seniors in college by then). I didn’t reread this then, but it’s a trip to see now. In response to 17-year-old me: I did successfully move out, but I dropped out of that college, Antioch, that I thought I would love so much to start over at a school near my hometown in a creative writing program. I am still best friends with Katie, but there was a year when we didn’t speak at all, and it was mostly my fault because I was drinking heavily and pushed her away, but also we had to learn to communicate. That tattoo I got was totally terrible, though I ended up covering it with a tattoo that matched one Katie also got (we did it together) in 2009. —Stephanie

  • This green-inked page is from my journal at 17. My mom and I were moving into a much smaller house in a neighborhood I disliked, and I was obviously very stressed out that my best friend Steve had been responsible for racking up my library fines. (An appalling $12 worth, which the same diary later reports.) —Julianne

  • This collage is from one of the sketchbooks I kept between 2008 and 2011. —Minna

diaries journals lola of responsibility memoirs
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12 Comments

  • herdinthehalls April 25th, 2014 7:32 PM

    “We want pppiiizzzzaaaa!”

    And I love how Emma S.’s diary is subtitled ” Age 9 +10 +11 +12 +13 +14″

    rockpapermisc.blogspot.com

  • Jes April 25th, 2014 7:40 PM

    old diary entries are the best. this is the best. please do more!

  • bandsarelife April 25th, 2014 9:03 PM

    This was awesome! I love stuff like this. Also, what year was Suzy X.’s diary from (I want to see what bands were playing at Warped that year)?

    • Suzy Exposito April 29th, 2014 4:38 PM

      This was 2003 :)

      I didn’t get to go. Instead my best friend and I went to church wearing all black in mourning.

  • emilycarolina April 25th, 2014 9:54 PM

    i love how tuesday is “horny day” :)

  • mustachio April 25th, 2014 10:23 PM

    I just watched Mortified Nation (per Rookie’s recommendation, of course!) so these old journal entries just warmed my heart! Also, I’m immediately adopting “yankee doodle dork” into my vocabulary. Thanks for the gem.

  • martinmorning April 26th, 2014 12:07 AM

    Stephanie’s letter to herself reminds me so much of myself now. What she said about her best friend Katie made me teary.

  • FlaG April 26th, 2014 1:30 AM

    Ah Suzy, you and I probably would have been great friends in highschool. Looking through your tumblr was like reading my own LJ.

    Ugh, the nostalgia. I don’t want to miss it, but I really kinda do. Feh.

  • crapbag April 26th, 2014 6:09 AM

    These are so good! I have kept journals since I was maybe fourteen. Five years later and they are still much too fresh to look at without immense embarrassment. It reminds me though, I should begin writing again.

  • Flossy Mae April 26th, 2014 8:25 AM

    This is so lovely!! You should do an open submission for readers to submit pages of their journals/diaries/sketchbooks, that would be amazing and so inspiring!

    x

  • KatGirl April 26th, 2014 10:26 AM

    LOL, this makes me remember my first journal entry from when I was six years old. “IM SO MAD MY MOM WOULD NOT LET ME HAVE TWO CRUMLE IM SO MADD”
    I was mad because I couldn’t have a second helping of apple crumble.

  • Sophii April 27th, 2014 10:32 AM

    I LOVE THESE! Marie omg yours made me laugh :’) Caitlin you’re so amazing at journaling! Harold James Whistlefrink is the best name for a journal ever!! Stephanie, yours gave me goosebumps. It’s weird how everything turns out over time. Minna, your collage is beautiful <3

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