Fatma

I feel like I haven’t talked to anyone properly, in a long time. Maybe that’s why I’ve been listening to early 2000s pop punk, alone in my bedroom. My favorite song to listen to is ‘I’m Just A Kid’, by Simple Plan. The lyrics go, “Everyone’s got somewhere to go, and they’re gonna leave me here on my own. And here it goes. I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare. I’m just a kid, I know that it’s not fair. Nobody cares, cause I’m alone and the world is having more fun than me.” I think this is the first song that is 100% relatable to me.

The summer holidays are less boring than I thought they would be. I forgot how much I love putting outfits together and waking up at 11 AM every day. I’m being way more productive this year, by planning to buy two pet fish (I’m naming them Eric Andre and Hannibal Buress). The idea of looking after them is cool to me and I’m happy to get them out of the pet store—it must be really degrading when children come and point at their fish tank and stare at them.

I recently chopped almost all of my hair off, so now it’s really short. I did this because the bleach I put in my hair damaged my hair so much that it was no longer curly, and I missed my curls. At first, my parents were laughing at me and calling me a boy (I couldn’t be bothered to explain how wrong it is to assign short hair to boys only because I knew they wouldn’t really care). But after, they apologized to me because they saw that it suits me. My biggest worry was that my grandmother would be really upset with me but she had the completely opposite reaction— she said I look better now. Another thing is that my mum keeps on telling me that I remind her of my great aunt, when she was younger (she was really cool and wore this Kickers puffer jacket all the time). I find that my life is way less complicated with my hair really short because I spend less time styling it. This means I have more time to play Mortal Kombat on my Gameboy Color – in other words, time to be a kid.

Due to me starting my last year of secondary school in September, everyone around me is constantly pressuring me to think about my future. I know I have to start being more responsible and begin to act like an adult, but it’s hard to leave my daydreams—I practically live in my head. I don’t really tell my family this, but I think I want to pursue writing in the future. My dream is to write for television shows (in an ideal world, create a show with my older sister). I’m scared that I’ll fail and that everyone will be disappointed in me. But then again, how will I know, if I never try. I really want this, and I’m going to work hard and become who I want to be. Smash Mouth said it perfectly in their song “All Star”: “Only shooting stars break the mold.” ♦