Cammy

I went to two performance art type events this week and I’m feeling melancholy.

This week, we went on a field trip to the Youth Speaks poetry slam for my school district (or something). We went to the New Parkway Theatre, which is a cool place to watch movies: They have couches and spinning chairs. There were four schools competing, including my own, and three rounds. The emcees were really nice—a queer black lady poet and a genderqueer person—who were high energy and relatable. After each poem they got on stage and gave positive feedback. It was a competition, but it didn’t really feel like one. It was one of the most welcoming and positive environments I’ve ever been in. I was blown out of the water by how well my school performed. They did this poem about poetry—writing it, performing it, and everything that they feel about it. It was super “meta” and creative. We did so well, but ended up getting disqualified because we only had three team members and needed four, which I think is stupid because the way the points added up, we won. They’re trying to work something out so we can still go to regionals.

Then, me and Jasmine went to the last school play of the year. It was actually seven one act, mini-plays, written by the actors. Each one was amazing in its own way. It was so fun to see all my friends up on stage, acting out something they’d made themselves. At the end of the year at the last show, the seniors get flowers and have a little ceremony that’s tradition at our school. I’d seen this before, but it was different because this time I’m a senior. It clicked for me that we’re leaving, and this is the last time that we will all be together in this kind of setting.

Seeing all my friends crying made me cry, and afterwards, up on stage we were all hugging each other and ugly sobbing. Now I’m thinking I shouldn’t wear mascara to graduation because that’s going to be hard.

“This is the first of many goodbyes,” Jasmine said. She’s right.

Back to the melancholy thing, though. I’m so happy that I got to see these amazing communities, but it also made me sad that I’m not a part of them. Spoken word poetry is something I have experience with, and now I’m wondering why I never got involved with Youth Speaks. I’ve acted in plays before, and worked with the tech production, but something always kept me out of that space. I’m feeling a regret over not sticking around and having a community I can go back to and be happy with. I know high school isn’t the end all be all, I’m just having some serious FOMO.

I know I can find a group, I know I can still join Youth Speaks, and come back to Techies and help with the plays, or do other plays, which is what I plan on doing. This summer, I want to find a creative outlet with a nice community to participate in. ♦