Cammy

I’m in the middle of the longest crush I’ve ever had. It’s on this boy in my grade. I’m flip-floppy, he’s flip-floppy, and we’ve both been very on and off about each other.

Right before break, I thought he did something shitty, so during break I was really irritated with him and used that week to try and tone down my feelings. My best friend had been talking about how was dropping her crush, and so I maybe fed off her “no more crush” energy. As it turns out, the shitty thing I thought he’d done never happened, which makes me feel weird about him. For the couple of days that I was upset with him, I felt all liberated and cool for NOT hella worrying about him. In retrospect, I just feel mean for making him into something he’s not.

It bothers me that I worry about this so often. I’m beginning to accept that I’m graduating in two months, and afterward it won’t matter, because I’ll never see him again. I just like him so much that I’m letting it dim everything else. I can’t trust my judgment right now. I can’t tell if he’s the best person ever or the worst human in the world. I don’t want to rely on school ending to stop my problems, but it’s the easiest option. ♦