Thahabu

After five years of wearing my natural I finally found a bomb ass hair regimen that actually keeps my hair moist for more than two days days. This is a huge achievement because I have REALLY thick, nappy hair that never stays hydrated for more than eight hours. For years, I told myself that I just have a “bad” grade of hair that’s hard to work with, and need to accept it for what it is, but I was just using the wrong products! I found a conditioner that I really like, and use it once or twice week. Then when my hair is almost I dry, I melt some shea butter rub it throughout my hair until all the yellow residue disappears inside my coils. I even see the difference when I go out with friends now.

I’m what people call a lazy natural, so I rush my hair routine and leave my house thinking, Heh, my looks a little crazy. Lately, though, even when I feel that way, my friends are the first ones to look at me and be like, “Omg your hair looks so nice and defined how’d you get it like that?” I say thank you and think, Ha! I did the absolute bare minimum girl, but it works! It’s funny because I used to do so much to my hair—twist outs almost every night—and it was always dry. Now I wear it in shrinkage 24/7 and it’s healthier than ever. I’m super proud of this accomplishment. I’m really hard on myself when it comes to my hair, and that definitely has to do with I feel about myself in general. Taking the time to figure out what works best for my hair means that I’m getting better at taking care of myself.

Last weekend renewed me. I went to a Downtown Boys show with my friend. I’m so happy that I’m meeting more women of color who like punk music just as much as I do. We moshed, and screamed “I’M ENOUGH” when Victoria Ruiz asserted that we were. The next day, I went to a hardcore show in the Bronx that everyone told me not to go to. I ended up having the best time. One of my friends called me “crazy” for making such a long train trip alone, but when I was younger most of my friends weren’t into alternative music so I became accustomed to frequenting venues by myself. I always meet really nice people, and have even made some new friends this way! It’s totally fine to do things by yourself sometimes.

I was most excited for this artist called Dreamcrusher. I looked them up before the show and became enraptured with their sound. Their live performance surpassed my highest expectations. The strobe lights were going so fast that everything looked and felt like I was in a stop motion animation. The moshpit was too intense for me so I danced at the peripheries of the floor with a girl I’d befriended earlier in the night. Dreamcrusher made their way to every edge of the venue, crashing into us and dragging other audience members with them. One of their songs had these white noise-esque chimes in it, and combined with the mind-altering strobe lights, when the beat dropped, it felt like it was snowing all around me. I felt so good. I know people close to me don’t understand why I like that kind of music, but those spaces are where I feel most at home and liberated. ♦