Cammy

I had a falling out with my former best friend on Friday. I found out she was talking shit and I confronted her about it. The things she was saying were very hurtful, including that she wants me out of her life completely. Over time, I’d noticed us becoming more distant so I tried to get more involved with the things she’s doing. It turns out that was all for nothing. Had she been upfront with me I would have been much better off! For all of this to come out now, at the end of the year, is irritating. I sacrificed quite a bit of my time.

The worst part about this incident, though, is that while I was waiting for her to get out of class, her teacher saw me as a threat and called administration and security. Apparently two black girls waiting outside a classroom means we’re gonna jump somebody. The amount of caution they used in “preventing” me from hurting her was way beyond any intentions I had. In retrospect, I realize I was profiled. I got very angry, and played into the angry black woman stereotype they set me up for. I wanted to be disappointed in myself for getting angry, but I know that my feelings were valid. Imagine just trying to talk to someone and next thing you know you’re being threatened with suspension. I’m very disturbed that I go to a majority black school in a majority black city and I can still encounter anti-black racism.

My mom was very upset to find out the school reacted this way. When I’m angry I talk loud and fast and profanely and move my hands a lot. She’s worried that I could end up being killed by the police or something, because I’m so expressive. This idea that black people have superhuman strength, or are super-predators—as Hillary Clinton so thoughtfully put it—is so extremely damaging for someone like me, who feels a lot and has a lot to say. I can’t just sit back and shut up, it’s not in my nature. I’d hope that in the next 10 to 20 years, that stigma diminishes. It’s so unfair that my mom has to fear for my life in cases where I’ve done nothing wrong. ♦