Fatma

I feel really unmotivated. It’s like I’m a creature from outer space that has a sluggish walk and can’t be bothered to do anything.

I feel like I’m lacking a purpose for the things I’m supposed to do, so I leave them incomplete until the last minute (my homework, handing in forms, confronting mean people at school). I don’t know why I’m doing my homework, so I forget about it until I need to think about it. I know why I have homework—my teacher is testing what I’ve learnt in my lessons. And I know why learning is important: to get good qualifications and therefore a good job. But I don’t know what job I want to do or what I want to be when I’m older, so focusing on something I’m unsure of seems silly to me.

This lack of motivation has led me to miss many days of school. I got a reality check when school sent a letter home saying that my parents need to meet with a teacher, because the school is concerned about my low attendance. I still have barely any motivation. The only two factors that keep me going are (1) I don’t want to get my parents into trouble—the school may think there are problems at home when in actuality, I just enjoy being at home. But my favorite factor is (2) there are still nice people in the world.

On Saturday, I went shopping with my friend to look at the CDs. I found two albums (Lil’ Kim’s The Notorious K.I.M. and 50 Cent’s Get Rich or Die Trying) but they both had a parental advisory sticker on them. Then, I remembered what my sister told me: If I want to buy a CD with a parental advisory sticker on it, I should give someone my money and ask them to buy for me. I looked around and saw this lady who was in her mid-thirties. I explained that I couldn’t buy the CD but I had the money, so it would be cool if she could pay for me. Half expecting her to say no, I was really surprised she was so kind and replied, “Of course I will.” She also talked about how society thinks teenagers are so stupid, as if we don’t know what these CDs are talking about. She was so cool and gave my friend her one pence change back.

It’s people like this who keep me going, helpful people who make other people’s lives easier. I aspire to be like that, so I can’t stop now. I have to try hard and keep moving toward that goal. ♦