Thahabu

Thoughts from last week

I need to practice saying nice things to myself.

Sometimes I think Iā€™m emotionally unavailable,

or maybe
some of the people who have entered and exited my life
were trash bags
and I’m the landfill.
I decided to stop being landfill back in December.
But everyone’s trash bags are still packed inside me.
Trapped under the dirt
Tell me how to get them out

*

Are therapists just well-educated, paid landfills? When they get home, how do they let go of all emotional debris they take in on a daily basis? Where do they put it all?

My last therapist told me that she genuinely likes it. She willingly chooses to carry the weight of others with her everywhere she goes. All my therapists have been white women. There are a few subjects that get lost in translation when you’re a black girl confiding in an older white lady. Given the political climate, I think a black woman would be better suited to my needs.

But all the counselors at my school are white.

After self-reflection
I’m trying now.
I open up more.
Everyone isn’t out to get me.
I let people in.
Well at least I let her in. ♦