Cammy

I’m sad. Everyone cancelled on me for my birthday party—that or they didn’t show up. Going into it I was really excited: My friend Katelynn got me a cool present (a bubbler pipe) and the night before I’d stayed up late making a shit ton of cookies for my guests. I made like 100 cookies, and I was particularly concerned about making cookies everyone would like so I made them with and without nuts. I decorated all my star-shaped shortbread cookies with pink and rainbow flower sprinkles.

The WORST part was the waiting. My core group of friends sat at the benches at the lake for what felt like forever. I kept thinking that someone would show up eventually. We moved to be in the sun on the grass and then my friends Anthony and Ana came. Some other people came but most of my friends whom I see every day didn’t. I think this is the shittiest birthday I’ve ever had, and it’s a milestone year so I’ll remember it forever. Some people were busy, I know, but I feel like your birthday is the one day where things are about you, and I already always feel like people don’t really care about me.

Somewhere in my head I’d told myself that this is a reflection of who actually likes me and that if I didn’t have a lot of people there, it’s because I suck. I feel like I suck. I’ve been crying a lot. People aren’t noticing my nose piercing. I’m trying to tell myself that I need to live for myself and not care what people think. I’m doing all right with that. I’ve never wanted to hurry up and finish high school more than I do now. ♦