Janet N., 17, California
High school senior.

How do you feel when you know a holiday where you’ll see extended family is coming up?

I don’t get too stressed out about it. But I do know that if I bring up anything about politics—sexuality, or anything like that—they would have a lot to say because my dad’s side is very Catholic. We don’t really discuss that stuff.

Have you ever had an encounter where a family member goes against your views? How did you handle it?

Well, I have some Trump supporters in my family, which I just don’t understand. But I’ve heard from my cousins that the supporters started spreading their views to other family members. I haven’t had a chance to talk to them about it because I haven’t seen them recently.

Who in your family brings up political issues at the dinner table?

My cousins! They’re all woke! We have a group chat where we talk about all sorts of things. Whenever I get together with my cousins Celine and David, we always end up discussing politics and all sorts of issues. It’s usually the younger generation that tend bring up stuff like that. Sometimes my dad and I will talk about that sort of thing, but just when we’re together, not during family outings. If he did there would just be a lot of arguments.

You told me before that you had a talk with your dad about feminism, can you tell me how that went?

Since freshman year, whenever I wear a short skirt or a cute outfit, my dad asks, “Who are you dressing up for? Is it a guy?” I always just tell him that I want to look cute for myself. He tells me that he doesn’t mind me wearing those clothes, he just didn’t want men—especially older men—to try and get at me.

Recently, he tried to give me another talk about the way I dress and I got really angry. He told me that the way I acted and dressed told men that I was “putting myself out there.” I got really angry and told him that I just wanted to dress how I wanted, and although I understood that he was just concerned for me, I didn’t want him or anyone judging the way I look.

Do you think it’s more effective to bite your tongue start a discussion with a family member whom you disagree with? Can you weigh pros and cons of each?

If something about politics comes up, I put my opinion out there immediately. I’m not a little girl anymore and my relatives can’t just say, “Oh, she’s small she doesn’t know anything.” No! I did my research. I know what I’m talking about. I’m almost an adult and they have to respect my opinion. I’m not going to bash theirs, I’m going to hear them out and try to be understanding.

Does what you decide to do at family outings affect how you talk about politics in other scenarios (on social media, in class, at parties, et cetera)?

I’m definitely more lenient with my family, just because I know that I’ll always have to deal with them. Also, I know my parents wouldn’t want the rest of my family to be angry and shun me forever if I go off on them. On social media, I call people out. I post about issues that are important to me and defend my friends if someone is being problematic.